You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence... Psalm 16:11

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Bride

I got to thinking about how God looks at the Church as his bride. His bride! Do you get that? There is that moment that you focus so intently on every detail. That moment when your groom sees you for the first time. The doors swing open as the groom takes this giant breath and a smile of approval spreads across his face. All the preparing you have worked on is about to pay off. Your hair, your makeup, your fingernails, your toenails, your jewelry, your flowers and even your underwear. Every detail has been given elaborate thought. Do we do that for Jesus? Do we focus on every aspect of preparation for Him?

Seriously, would we be late for our groom? Would we show up with no makeup and a baseball cap at our wedding or would we wear a mask to disguise ourselves? Would we say something better came up so I couldn't make it? Would we say we are too busy? Would we say we didn't invite anyone because it really wasn't doing to be a big deal?

Some say they believe and love God but don’t need church to be a part of that. WRONG. It would be like somebody saying “Ridley, I want to be your friend but I want nothing to do with your bride, Lisa”. In a way, that must be how God feels when we don’t give the church our best. Or better yet, when people say, “this church isn’t going to work for me” and they leave to be alone at home every Sunday.

I relate this to how marriage and divorce is in our society. “This wife or husband doesn't work for me anymore” so go try to find another. Church is a lot like marriage. You take the good and the bad and you wake up every day with a commitment to do your very best. There shouldn't be finger pointing in our churches. “It's all your fault or you messed up here or you didn’t meet this need of mine.”

As the bride, we should turn our thoughts inward and see how we can mature, how we can make it better, how we can prevent growing weary, and how we have to do our part to make the bride radiant. We can choose to pick offense or grace, forgiveness or bitterness, selfishness or service.

As my thoughts are focused on Easter this week, I think about how Jesus was preparing and getting ready for His bride. His attention to detail is beautiful! He deserves the most radiant and beautiful bride we can be.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Celebrate!

March 24th is my daughter, Abby's birthday. You better believe we will be celebrating!! I am a firm believer in dragging out a birthday celebration. On Sunday, when we were challenged to really celebrate life as Christians, I thought about this week and how it would be filled with Abby celebrations. Then I quickly thought about the real meaning of the challenge. Celebrating life with all that it has to offer. The good and the bad. The easy and the difficult. The obvious and the not so obvious. God quickly turned my heart to celebrating Abby's mom, Sarah Ellen.

Sarah crosses my mind more often than most would think. Being the step mom (or dad) is not always easy and requires much prayer. There are many challenges all step parents face. However, when a child loses a parent, you have big shoes to fill. You are entrusted with the rest of the story for that child. I assure you there is no room for selfishness.

I also assure you that there are days where I don't die to self fast enough. I made a decision early on that The Barron family was going to celebrate Sarah and Josh. I love Abby and Harrison and want to make sure they remember how important their mom and brother are. Therefore, pictures of Sarah and Josh are in our home. There are Christmas tree ornaments with their names we hang and we celebrate their birthdays.

I remember a day where Ridley and I weren't seeing eye to eye. A few days prior to that, I had been in my closet crying over my adjustment to having a teenage son. Feeling a bit unqualified, I decided to tackle some housework and vacuum. I wasn't just vacuuming. I was pushing that Dyson to the beat of my words through gritted teeth accompanied by frustration and fatigue. I looked up and saw a picture of Sarah. I immediately asked her, "Did you have to be so perfect?" I began to cry. In that moment, I had to make a decision to celebrate her. After all, that is what I wanted in our family. Nobody was watching so I could have gone about my own business, but I felt the Holy Spirit move in the room at that moment. The party started. God sent me an invitation to celebrate! He showed me that I needed to celebrate Sarah because Ridley, Harrison and Abby are who they are today as a result of being with her.

Just the other day, I was working long hours and away from my family. As I pulled out of the driveway of house number 17 my clients had looked at, I thought about Sarah. I wondered what she would think about me working long hours all the time and being away from my kids. I find myself piecing together stories and pictures to learn more about her. I even used pictures in Abby's room one night to talk to her about taking time to do her hair. I told her I knew her mom would want her to take good care of her hair after all the cute hair styles and bows I had seen in their pictures.

Celebrate! What does that really mean? It means regardless of circumstances you and I must celebrate every situation. Celebrate the days it feels good and the days it doesn't make any sense. Celebrating means trusting that God has put you right where you are for a reason.

I am excited to celebrate my daughter's 12th birthday. I can't tell you how much she weighed exactly or what time of day she was born. I can tell you I am excited about being a part of the rest of her life and I celebrate Sarah for being a great mom.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Swirling a Family

Blending a family is tough stuff. You will find that our response is usually, "It is hard work but it is worth it." According to statistics, our family is making great progress after close to three years. Our kids came to us early on and said they did not like the words "blended family". They quickly informed us that "we are just a family". So we decided to say we are swirling. Boy, are we swirling! Some days my head and my heart are swirling like crazy. There is a reason love comes first. Then comes marriage. Then comes Morgan, Harrison, Abby and Landon in the baby carriage. Life happens and we don't always get the order right, but God is a God of order.

I can't begin to tell you all the obvious things that Ridley and I began praying for as we were dating and looking towards marriage. There were the financial provisions, the disciplining of children, the spiritual influence we wanted to have on our kids, dealing with grief and insecurities, etc. As we started our family, we had no idea about the little things that would come up which needed lots of prayer. There were things like how we cooked green beans, merging Christmas decorations (oh me), how we spent our free time, how we folded socks, what the kids wanted to call us, Harrison being exposed to mascara and tampons. All those little things were adjustments... Challenges... Opportunities. We literally started blocking out time in our schedules to allow for drama and meltdowns. We never knew when they were coming. A man and woman fall in love, but the kids don't fall in love instantly. Bottom line is it takes time. Lots of patience and time. We were newlyweds who were investing in each other and parents who were tending to the new needs of our kids.

One key element in swirling is respect. You don't have to always understand the other person but you must respect them. As the best counselor in the world, Mr. Larry, would say to me all the time, "It's not about you". Those were some of the wisest words from one of my sessions years ago. I often want to scream, "Can it be about me just for a minute?" However, in order to be in God's will, I have to be out of my own. That means dying to self. Matthew 16:24 says, "if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me." John 3:30 reminds me in order for that to happen, "He must increase, but I must decrease."

Here are my top 10 "it's not about you" tips for swirling a family:

1. God must be in the center and you take everything (big or small) to Him.

2. Put your spouse before your kids. This will be a change since you have been a single parent. Find a meeting place in your house. Designate an area where you can lock a door for 15 minutes to pray, consult regarding a decision, or cry together.

3. Eliminate the dividing line as much as possible. We had (and still have) people that didn't want to celebrate what God was doing in our family. They were excited for us but had a hard time accepting the changes that came with our new family. Some still wanted to take two of our kids here or the other two there. Stand your ground to present your family as a package deal. It provides your kids security and helps others to find their new role in your life.

4. It is ok to tell your children that you need to discuss something before making a decision and you will get back with them. This shows them that you desire to be on the same page as parents and doesn't allow for playing one parent against the other.

5. Respect the other parents. You will find pictures of Harrison's and Abby's mom in our house and open conversations about Morgan's and Landon's dad. We often include statements in our conversation like "I think your mom would be super proud of you" or "how do you think that is going to make your dad feel?"

6. Counseling is a good thing for everybody. It doesn't have to happen right in the beginning and it doesn't need to be put off until it is too late. I obviously recommend Mr. Larry if you need a good one.

7. Have family meetings. Set apart a time when real feelings are welcomed and there is an understanding that they must be received in love. Talk and pray through challenges one step at a time as a family.

8. Eat dinner at the table and have quiet time as a family together as much as possible. If you have to pack a dinner to eat on the bleachers while at a baseball game, then do it.

9. Support each other in hobby and events. Each of our kids are expected to be at the other's sporting events, plays, 4-H competitions, etc. as much as possible.

10. Be patient! It takes time. Pray your heart out. Invest in a big wipe off calendar. Schedule date nights. Never quit or even say those words.

Love on a family you might know that is swirling. Commit to pray for them. It makes a difference.

Monday, March 15, 2010

A Gift in the Mess

Is it Monday again? I woke up this morning and the first verse that popped in my head before I could even grasp that it was Monday was, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34. I remembered the first part of the verse but when I actually got moving, I looked up the verse and read the rest of it. "Each day has enough trouble..." Wow! Is that supposed to be encouraging? So I attempted to get a jump on the trouble. I started a load of laundry by 6:45, began making my list for the day and packed my husband's lunch. When I look ahead at the calendar for the week, it already feels busier than last week.

I headed upstairs at 7 a.m. to wake up Landon. Landon is our child that sees the beauty in everything. Therefore she collects it and stashes it in her room. Rocks, colored paper, eraser caps, empty pencil lead boxes to hold future treasures and so on. You get the picture. That makes for one messy room. We are working on that, but this morning as I enter the disorder, I quickly notice a small collection of books tied neatly with a hair ribbon. I immediately knew someone was going to be the next recipient of one of her gifts. I often pray that the person receiving one of her prized posessions will see the love instead of the garage sale opportunity.

The gift today had a hand written note neatly placed under the ribbon and on top of a journal and two books. The note was to January. January is a young woman that lives under a bridge in Nashville's Tent City. This is an area where approximately 60 individuals who are homeless have built their own community and literally live in tents. Our friend Baker, has started a ministry geared towards feeding, clothing and loving these people. Landon, Baker and his family got together on Saturday to shop and cook for yesterday's weekly visit . Landon was able to go to Tent City for the first time after church and serve. During that visit she had the opportunity to travel way back under a large bridge to the tent where January lives. January will not come out like the others when the food and clothes arrive, but Landon went back to her tent with Baker's family to leave some items outside for her. January has been on Landon's heart ever since. Part of the note to January reads:

"Dear January,
I thought you might like these items. You seem very shy but I want to come see you again so I can meet you and become friends. I am giving you this journal to write your feelings down or to write to me. I am also giving you this hair ribbon because I heard you have long blonde hair. I would hate for it to get in your way like mine does. Here are some pencils and markers and some jewelry. I would like to know all about you. You can read on the back of this paper a little bit about me..."

I immediately examined my own heart. In the mess of my week, am I already praying for God to show me people that need to be loved on? Did I take the time last week to learn about someone in pain? Did I sit and encourage someone to tell me their story? Will I judge someone this week based on where they live or what they don't have? Will I be more worried about a messy room than someone whose life is a mess?

I was challenged this morning to notice the gift in the middle of the mess this week!
Dear God it is Monday. Make me ready!!!

Monday, March 8, 2010

My E5H

If you visit our home or are around Ridley and me, you might hear me call him my E5H. That stands for my "Ephesians 5 hunk". That is my way of flirting with him and remembering how grateful I am to have him. I have tried very hard to send him Monday morning emails thanking him for all the little things from the past week. It started as a way to encourage him and to let him know I recognized what he did for me, our family, and our church.

Mondays can set the pace for the week so I wanted to do my part to make sure his weeks got off to a great start. By doing that, I found that I lived my week with a different attitude. I was looking the entire week for the "little things" to add to my Monday morning emails. I logged them in my brain throughout the week and sometimes I would even keep a running list in my computer. At the end of the day, my last thoughts were all the sweet things my husband did or the things he sacrificed for us. It totally changed the way I looked at my day and at my best friend.

I haven't done my Monday thank you e-mail for a couple of weeks. That isn't due to Ridley slacking. It is because of my slacking. I have had every intention to and distractions have pulled me in other directions. Boy, I can tell a difference. The sweet thing is that he hasn't stopped doing the little things.

So today I am back in Ephesians 5 remembering all the times that my husband is an imitator of God (verse 1) and living a life of love. (verse 2) He doesn't just do this in the public eye. He does it when no one else is watching. He does everything he can to avoid any kind of sexual immorality or impurity (verse 3) by turning his head during an inappropriate commercial or making sure he isn't anywhere one on one with another woman for any reason.

He doesn't deceive with empty words. (verse 6) He preaches truth in its entirety and he prays for our family, friends and church family all the time. He is a wise man always begging God for more wisdom (verse 15)and he makes the most of every opportunity since he has experienced that the days really can be evil.(verse 16) Ridley doesn't always speak to me in psalms, hymns and spiritual songs but he does make music in his heart to the Lord (verse 19) AND he even sing 80's songs to me. *(smile)* He truly gives thanks to God for everything....even the yucky stuff with an attitude ready to build character.

Verse 22 through 33 in Chapter 5 is all about the kind of husband (and wife) we need to be. Ridley loves me and continues to teach me what this Chapter 5 kind of love is all about. Now, don't think for a second that our days are perfect. We are just like everybody else and have those days where you want to poke each other's eyeballs out. It is his love that has taught me how to love on those eyeball poking days.

I am grateful for a husband who continues to strive to be his absolute best for Jesus because I get to reap the benefits. Verse 33 at the end of Chapter 5 ends with "and the wife must respect her husband". I have so much respect for Ridley. He is truly embracing each day with an attitude of living out Ephesians 5. Whew! I must go flirt now.

THANK YOU E5H. I love you!!!!!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Be Real and Love!

*Note..Email notification is not working for my blog so hang in there while I get it worked out. Sorry.
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Be REAL! Love people!

Our Life Group had an awesome discussion this week on life, as a believer. We talked about how to REALLY live life the way God wants us to. During that discussion, there was a common desire to live better, but there was also a common frustration that life gets heavy. It was a relief to hear others share stories that sounded like some of mine. It wasn't the situation that was necessarily the same, it was the sound of desperation I recognized.

I call it "path rage" ...kind of like road rage. This path God has me on and designed just for me, can be full of road blocks and detours. Things get in the way of where I am headed and I just want to honk (or scream) for them to move. Better yet, I get weary and want to look for the next rest area sign to pull over and take a break. God's Word says "press on". It actually says in Hosea 6:3 to "press on to acknowledge Him".

Part of our discussion in Life Group was about being real with one another, without fear. This world communicates that we can't be accepted unless we are dressed up, cleaned up, and fit some one's definition of a perfect mold. So we go to work, go to school, or go to church and when asked how we are doing, we say, "FINE".

As believers, we need to love people right where they are. Love the unlovable. Love people with their imperfections (because we all have them). Love people without expectation. Love people on good days and bad days. Here is the key...Don't just say you love them with your words. Say you love them with your actions!!!

By sharing with my Life Group, they know how to pray for me and I know how to pray for them. When I am not the most lovable, they surround me and encouragement me, instead of tearing me down. When I am in the middle of "path rage" they pull over and get me back on track.

God created us. Trust that enough! He gave me (and you) skills, personalities, quirks, and talents. "I am going to praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
I trust that God knows all about us and He knows that the way we are, can be used for exactly where He has us.

My teenage daughter, who often butts heads with me and rolls her eyes, once said, "You were the mom meant for me." That statement was a statement of Hosea 6:3.
She doesn't always agree with me, but she was pressing on to acknowledge Him.

Be Real!!!! Listen to the people around you with your ears and your heart. Next, love them right where they are. Say you love them and then put that love into action and press on.