My Hallmark Moment....GONE

I had yesterday all pictured. It was Landon's 11th birthday and my visions of a day chocked full of Hallmark moments, quickly came to a screeching halt. I usually start out the birthday with a breakfast celebration for each kid as I sit and talk about the excitement of the day. That is complete with a birthday plate, napkin and candle. We usually have a family dinner and dessert that night, which is after dad's creative scavenger hunt for a present.

Yesterday looked a little more "eventful" than I had imagined. Ridley was out of town speaking, so the morning started with me taking Harrison to school while Landon was at home by herself getting dressed. That in itself can be scary. When I whipped back in the driveway she greeted me with what we call in my house, a hoochie shirt. I smiled and said, "Yes, you are eleven today, but I need your shirt neckline to go up each year...not down." I slapped two Eggo waffles on a plate and tried to be decorative with my syrup. I followed with a quick "Happy Birthday" and a kiss as I darted off to get ready for my 8:30 appointment. Landon walked in the bathroom and informed me that she really would like to have lots of curls for her special day. Ok, so I pulled that off to later find that a boy at school told her she didn't need to curl her hair on her birthday just to look like the ugly music teacher. That added to my To Do List. #300....find that boy and give him the momma scare.

Throughout the day of real estate appointments and last minute birthday errands. I managed to forget my To Do List and ended up circling around the mall area several times trying to remember what I was supposed to accomplish. Of course it was lunchtime. Traffic was crazy. I am not sure why I wait until the actual birthday to do some things when I know it is coming for a whole year.

One of my stops was to pick up something in the mall. Now, I try to stay away from that place so, I was there when the stores opened in an effort to beat the crowd. I was on a mission for swimming frogs. Landon is allergic to animals and her heart has longed for a pet. My rule is it can't stink. So, while in a house recently to get ready to list, I saw these frogs that were in a cute little tank that has to be cleaned four times a year. The mom told me they were the best and zero trouble. That was the pet for me with our crazy schedule. So I headed to Brookstone with a "get in and get out" mindset. As I left the store toting this little tank with two tiny frogs, I had forgotten about the mall walkers. They were everywhere and they are serious about their pace and path. I felt like I was in the middle of a game of Frogger. How appropriate! I was dodging each walker as I watched the water in the tank slosh back and forth. I was sure I was going to kill those frogs just trying to get them to the car. I made it home to get the frogs hidden and was off again to another appointment.

I went to take pictures of a house to find that the camera battery was dead. I headed back home to get the battery charged as I worked on some paperwork. The frogs were still alive. In the meantime, calls were coming in like crazy and Ridley texted to say his flight was delayed.

The afternoon was topped off with picking one kid up from track, a screaming match with a hormonal 18 year old daughter, back out to pick up one from football, getting Landon to her dad for her weekly Wednesday night visit, rushing to be the 100th person in line for the free school sport physicals, then to rush the kids to youth group, and to swing through a nasty fast food drive thru for dinner for me and Ridley. (yuck)

In my frustration of feeling like a bad mother, the day ended GREAT. We pulled off the scavenger hunt. Landon classified the frogs as "a pet " (whew), my husband made it home to eat the nasty food, My 18 year old was speaking to me again and we ended up sitting in the floor of my closet late, laughing at baby pictures of Landon and my old hair styles. When I tucked Landon in to ask her about her day, she said it was great. She then informed me that if she got any money at her big family party, she wanted to give it to the church. The grin on her face wiped away the chaos of my day. The smile turned to an expression of concern as she asked, "Do you think Jesus will need ALL of it to pay daddy this week?"

All I could think about is how God's Word in Isaiah 55:8 reminds me "Your ways are not My ways, Lisa". I am so glad they are not!!!!!!

Count It All Joy

It makes sense that I drive a van. I will be honest. It is not my first choice. When Ridley and I decided to swirl a family, my convertible, red sports car had to go. You do what you have to do!

I always feel sorry for the guys that have to work on my van. I often wonder what they think about the collection of things they find when sitting at the wheel. Right on the dash is a scripture card my sister-in-law, Tonda gave me. You will also find my pocket-sized pink and black Bible. I am sure they immediately think "Jesus Freak" when they turn the key and all of that is accompanied by some praise music in the background. My van is also my real estate office, so picture all of that with MLS lockboxes, tools, calculators, a sledge hammer for my signs, baby wipes for my shoes when I step in the mud, and more.

There is one treasure in my van that has meant more to me than I ever would have imagined. My sweet friend and fellow PW (pastor's wife), Pam gave me a small ceramic, painted plaque that hangs from a wire decorated with colored beads. It says, "JOY".

It just makes you smile when you see it. I love the verse that reminds us all to "count it all joy" (James 1:2), so this gift was perfect. I wanted to find a place in my van where my eyes couldn't avoid it. It didn't work on the rear view mirror. It didn't work on the gear shift. Finding the perfect place was harder than I thought. I don't think it was by accident that it ended up on the knob of my radio that is labeled "Control". I just noticed that the other day and it has been hanging there for about a year. Who is in control of your joy, Lisa? It got me thinking....

I keep my eyes on my joy so it doesn't fall off and break. You can't imagine how many times it has fallen off. Everything stops when that happens. There are times I have to slam on the brakes and my joy goes flying...literally. Then there are those moments that I lose my joy and it takes me a while to find it....literally. There are also times in the dark, while driving, that I ask my family "Anybody see my joy?" "Where is it?" Things just don't feel right until my joy is back in its place. Those flashes of colors and three simple letters have taught me a lot of life lessons and have been obvious reminders when I needed them the most. As many times as it has fallen off, my joy has never broken. As many times as it has flown from the dash to the back of the van, it has never chipped. My joy is still in tact!

So when I step out of the van to venture into the world, I do my best to take my joy with me. I find myself whispering "count it all joy" as the gas pump ticks over $45.00 or as my hormonal daughter bites my head off. Psalm 94:19 says it all. "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."

Who is in control of your joy? I am actually laughing at God's sense of humor right now. My husband just walked in and informed me that the next series at church will be the Family series. Satan always shows up for that one. So my question to Ridley was, "What is the series after that?" He responded, "Spiritual Warfare". Here we go......."count it all joy". "Count it ALL joy".

Thinking About Divorce?

Let me give you an inside peak at divorce. This is a brutally honest post. Most people expect me to be a divorce poster child since God has blessed me with an amazing husband and two more incredible kids. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and so do I. I don't ever want someone to look at my life and think quitting on one marriage will get you a better one.

I was reading my Bible outside on my deck this weekend and my neighbor two doors down has had workers creating (for months) this spa like backyard. The reveal took place right before the weekend. As I sat there with my Bible, my eyes darted from scripture to their waterfall, scripture to their outdoor shower, scripture to their hottub, and so on. I started imagining how my quiet times could be so much better by a waterfall or my stress level would go down with an outdoor shower that didn't need cleaning as much. I quickly snapped out of it as I redirected my thoughts to their next water bill.

Don't we do that in life? So if you are thinking the grass is greener, let me set you straight. I continue to have souveniers (as I call them) from my divorces. Yes, I have been through two. This is the perfect time to say that my parents have been married for 44 years to each other and did not raise me to be the product of divorce. I am super proud of them.

I still find myself, at times, asking God why He allowed my second marriage to go on so long if He was going to allow it to fall apart. Or, when I became a Christian in that second marriage, why didn't He use that to show off in a big way. Here's the reality....those questions popped up years ago when my oldest chased my car as I dropped her off for a visit with her dad. They pop up even now when my youngest daughter gets home from visitations, crying. Then there are those days I have question as I deal with triggers of my past that catch me off guard. How about those days where I feel somewhat normal but the world says I am warped from the negative environment I was in. I imagine I will find myself asking those questions again. Maybe it will happen when my girls will be getting married and will be faced with whether their father should walk them down the aisle or their dad.

Bottom line....I made a choice to look for reasons to stay and not reasons to leave. I was committed to my marriage because I was committed to my God. When nothing else made sense, I had no choice but to trust Him. I love where I am today, but I still hate divorce. I hate what it has done. People seem to think if it was a bad thing, then it is good that it is over. That doesn't make it easier for the ones going through it. We don't celebrate the anniversary of the day we found out our spouse was unfaithful. We don't celebrate the day the divorce papers were served or our court date. We sure don't celebrate the nights we tuck our little girl in and she says "I am having a hard time remembering anything from before the divorce. Will I just forget all of that?"

So the grass may look greener but everybody has weeds. You better make sure you are taking care of what you have invested in before you make decisions that only God needs to be making.

While visiting with friends today, one of them asked me how I deal with a particular situation I was sharing. My answer was you pray and pray and pray. Pray your heart out. By doing that, you know the outcome is of God and you don't miss what He has for you. That is the only way, because on the days the questions pop up, you can rest in knowing He has all the answers.

Spring Break

As I woke up this morning, I was immediately deep in thought about a lot of things. It is the first day of spring break for us. Most people started celebrating on Friday but we focused on the celebration of Easter and what it really meant. Easter Sunday is the biggest day in the church, so our kids were not allowed to leave town until after church and lunch with the family. Priorities!

Harrison left after lunch to go to opening day for the Atlanta Braves and I took Morgan to the airport last night to fly to the beach with a girlfriend. She has never flown by herself so I tried my best not to be the worrying mother on the whole ride there. I even drove the truck so she wouldn't be embarassed to ride in the momma van. I chose my guidance statements carefully. With each one, I was cut off with an "I know mom!" or an "I am not a kid, mom". Nobody knows this better than I do. This pre-clipping of the wings has hit me hard in the face. In about 4 months she will be heading to college.

After I let her out at the curb of the airport (because she could do it all by herself), I hit the gas pedal and allowed the truck to do its redneck version of a take off. I did my best not to look in the rearview mirror to see if she was able to lift the suitcase or if she knew where to go. I looked in a different rearview mirror. I looked back to my teenage years. I looked back with a little regret and a longing to go back there and to do it over again....right.

I wish I had been half as focused and grounded as Morgan is. I wish I had been confident of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wish I had pushed as hard for great grades. I wish I had been in love with Jesus and serving him like she is. Then I started wishing my bathroom vanity was lined with sunscreen and acne wash instead of pill bottles and sports cream. I would have traded my decision on which bill to pay for the decision on which bikini to wear. I almost felt regret set in so I quickly turned the radio station to some 80's music in excitement of knowing every word of a song for a change. Of course, I had to turn the volume up. Not because I was being cool, but so I could hear it.

I want to stop time. I want it to at least slow down. I have lots more memories to make and lots of kingdom work that is left to be done. My mind quickly went to the verse in Philippians 3:12-14 "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

I can't go backwards and make all my wrongs right, so I must focus forward on what is yet to come. There is no need to look back with regret when there is so much opportunity ahead. I must push my selfishness aside to make sure I make the most of each day. I just pray my body and mind can keep up with what my heart longs to do.