Thinking About Divorce?

Let me give you an inside peak at divorce. This is a brutally honest post. Most people expect me to be a divorce poster child since God has blessed me with an amazing husband and two more incredible kids. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and so do I. I don't ever want someone to look at my life and think quitting on one marriage will get you a better one.

I was reading my Bible outside on my deck this weekend and my neighbor two doors down has had workers creating (for months) this spa like backyard. The reveal took place right before the weekend. As I sat there with my Bible, my eyes darted from scripture to their waterfall, scripture to their outdoor shower, scripture to their hottub, and so on. I started imagining how my quiet times could be so much better by a waterfall or my stress level would go down with an outdoor shower that didn't need cleaning as much. I quickly snapped out of it as I redirected my thoughts to their next water bill.

Don't we do that in life? So if you are thinking the grass is greener, let me set you straight. I continue to have souveniers (as I call them) from my divorces. Yes, I have been through two. This is the perfect time to say that my parents have been married for 44 years to each other and did not raise me to be the product of divorce. I am super proud of them.

I still find myself, at times, asking God why He allowed my second marriage to go on so long if He was going to allow it to fall apart. Or, when I became a Christian in that second marriage, why didn't He use that to show off in a big way. Here's the reality....those questions popped up years ago when my oldest chased my car as I dropped her off for a visit with her dad. They pop up even now when my youngest daughter gets home from visitations, crying. Then there are those days I have question as I deal with triggers of my past that catch me off guard. How about those days where I feel somewhat normal but the world says I am warped from the negative environment I was in. I imagine I will find myself asking those questions again. Maybe it will happen when my girls will be getting married and will be faced with whether their father should walk them down the aisle or their dad.

Bottom line....I made a choice to look for reasons to stay and not reasons to leave. I was committed to my marriage because I was committed to my God. When nothing else made sense, I had no choice but to trust Him. I love where I am today, but I still hate divorce. I hate what it has done. People seem to think if it was a bad thing, then it is good that it is over. That doesn't make it easier for the ones going through it. We don't celebrate the anniversary of the day we found out our spouse was unfaithful. We don't celebrate the day the divorce papers were served or our court date. We sure don't celebrate the nights we tuck our little girl in and she says "I am having a hard time remembering anything from before the divorce. Will I just forget all of that?"

So the grass may look greener but everybody has weeds. You better make sure you are taking care of what you have invested in before you make decisions that only God needs to be making.

While visiting with friends today, one of them asked me how I deal with a particular situation I was sharing. My answer was you pray and pray and pray. Pray your heart out. By doing that, you know the outcome is of God and you don't miss what He has for you. That is the only way, because on the days the questions pop up, you can rest in knowing He has all the answers.