The Greatness of Knowing Him

I hope you had an incredible weekend. We were on the road most of last week and the weekend. Ridley spoke in Nashville on Wednesday and then we immediately left for him to speak in Georgia. After Georgia, we headed directly to Birmingham to hook up with my parents and our kids for Samford Family Weekend. Our children had not seen Morgan's dorm or her new world. Then we made our way home late Saturday to be ready for church on Sunday. I love getting the suitcase out, and I am usually very excited to put it away for a while and enjoy the routine of home.

When I am on the road with Ridley, I shift from a roadie to a groupie. I love being with him to help with all the little things. He is an intelligent man so he can manage without me, but I love to make sure he is taken care of. It is more than handling the business cards, the book sales, the matching of his socks, and maintaining a good chocolate stash. For me, it is my ministry to him. I love to speak wherever God takes me, but with Ridley I just love being there....praying. I love squeezing his hand to let him know I believe in him. I love sitting close by when he talks so I can catch his eye during a difficult moment and remind him that he can "do this". I love being there afterwards to listen as he summarizes what God was doing. I am his biggest fan!

Interestingly enough, I feel the biggest dose of God's love when Ridley speaks. I never get tired of the story of a big God that carried a broken man I love, through something so tragic. Then God loves on me in a way that is hard to explain...but I am going to try. There are numerous people that usually want to talk to Ridley after he speaks. So many people can relate to pain, tragedy, grief, etc. Sometimes the lines are long and the people are emotional. Ridley delivers a raw and transparent message that goes well beyond the medical world's charts, graphs and statistics. He is the voice of a victim who shares his pain, his real emotions, along with a message of forgiveness and God's grace. So many times I find myself in private conversations with people as well. The questions are often similar and sweet in nature. "How in the world do you do it?" or "Isn't this hard for you?". Sometimes there are quick statements shared by men and women like "You must really be a strong woman" or "My wife couldn't do this."

This past Wednesday I had a lady asked me a question that no one else has ever asked. I believe she truly asked with a sincere desire to know the real answer. She approached me and said, "I just have to know. What is it like to live his loss as your gain?" The question hit me smack in the face. I was expecting one of the "typical ones". Don't think I haven't often heard Ridley's pain or seen his tears and not felt guilty at times. So when the lady asked, I did exactly what I do when I question things myself. I began to pray quickly. So I responded, "I won't lie. It isn't always easy, but I am reminded that God has me here for this time for a reason." She smiled and thanked me for being honest. Long after she left, her words lingered. On the ride home, I really thought about each word in her question. "His loss." "Your gain". I admit, I once again found myself questioning whether I am living out my joy or if I am somehow living in a way that is a by-product of feeling guilty.

Then it was as if Jesus quietly whispered in my ear as I thought of the verse in Philippians 3:8. In this verse Paul explains, "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things." It was as if Jesus was squeezing my hand and reminding me that He believes in me. This verse means nothing matters except our relationship with Christ. Everything else is a loss. I realize the lady was asking me about the physical loss Ridley has experienced but Jesus was reminding me that nothing I have accomplished, nothing I have been through, and nothing I have right now matters. It is all a loss because I know Jesus Christ. He is my Lord and the greatness of knowing Him is enough.