What to Do When You Don't Want to Do It

Well mom, here it is. I am blogging. I don't feel like blogging today, but my sweet mom, in her sweet momma voice, said to me this morning, "Do it anyway. God can still use it." I have had a tough couple of days that are out of character for me. The kind that make me lay around watching NFL clips while missing my grandfather. The kind where the slightest thing can make me cry. Ask my church family. The kind that makes me want to eat a donut and then not brush my teeth. See? I mean out of character. The kind where I am too tired to even pray. YUCK!

So, don't pretend that even if you love Jesus with all your heart that you haven't had those days. Women AND men have them. We might handle them differently but everybody has them. So what do we ( I ) do? First, acknowledge that it is ok to have bad days. As I have encouraged friends through bad days, I have told them it is ok to have bad days but don't back up the U-haul and stay there. Second, be honest with people. Be careful with this one. Be honest and ask for people to pray or help you through it but don't whine and have a pity party (except with your husband-just kidding). I am not a good faker and I want people to be real with me, so I better be real with them too.

I can tell you all the Jesus answers about what I should be doing when I feel this way. Ministry can be hard on the heart. It is hard to watch all the pain and even sometimes hard to relive some of your own to minister to others. I get tired and weary. I know what the right things are to do and trust me, I can list everything I am doing wrong in this funk, better than anybody else. Tough love doesn't need to come in the form of an addendum to my long list that I am already beating myself up about. As I have asked myself over and over again, "What should I do when I am like this and don't feel like doing it?" The answer IS do it anyway. RATS!

I didn't want to be at church yesterday. Everything inside me said to stay home. I went anyway. I knew it was the right thing even though I didn't feel like doing it. I am not going to stay home and play "I am the pastor's wife and I always have it together". As I was driving to church, I did muster the energy to pray that God would do amazing things despite my funk and that I wouldn't get in the way of what He wanted to do at Ridgeview Church.

This is why I am glad I went. The minute I walked in the building, a friend came to me and told me she wanted to talk to me. She told me that she was intimidated to pray with me, but she wanted to do it anyway because God put it on her heart that Ridley and I give so much in ministry that she wanted to give back in a small way by praying for me. Tear #1. I can't tell you what she prayed but the gift of someone holding my hand and praying over me, pushed me. Another friend walked up and randomly asked how I was doing. I answered quickly with a "I don't want to be here". She quickly turned, looked at me and said, "Girl.....you feel that way sometimes too? Oh my gosh, I am sorry but that makes me feel better." Tear #2 Then a new friend came up and said, "You said something the other day at LIfe Group that changed me...slapped me in the face. I needed that." I didn't even know what I had said, but there was tear #3. Then my husband came and got me to pray at the alter. I can't tell you how much I needed that yesterday. I needed my husband, not the pastor. Tear #4,5, 6...shoulder shake, shoulder shake, 7,8,9. After service a lady I barely know came up and thanked me for being real....I informed her the snot was real too.(I hope she will be back). Another friend in a different state sent me the sweetest Facebook message of encouragement. Tear #10.

As Monday morning hits, I continue to push, pull, drag myself to do what I know to do. It isn't at record speed. By sharing with people around me, they can hold my arms up when I am weak. It is an Aaron/Hur kind of thing. (Exodus Chapter 17) Those people can't do it for me, but they can pray for me, encourage me, and cheer me on to keep doing what I don't want to do.

Your Monday may be going great. I love when those happen but be sure you are looking for the opportunity to hold an arm up. How can you do that? Let me share some more ways that have blessed me. I have a friend who is emailing me bible verses. She isn't spelling them all out, she is making me look them up. I have a friend who reminded me of several specific times that I have pushed through before....monumental moments that are now mole hills. My husband went and got take out over the weekend and sat beside me while I watched my NFL clips. Anne Graham Lotz sent my typical daily devotional that basically said, "Get over yourself, in Jesus name". Then I crack my Bible open with a deep breathe and the first verse is Psalm 34:14 "...seek peace AND pursue it." It doesn't say it has to be at record speed, but it does mean DO IT....pursue it.