You Can't Fix It?

My dear friend, Kate posted a quote on Facebook the other day that I read and I thought was really good. Then I read that I was the one who made the statement years ago. I was shocked. I didn't remember ever saying it. I asked her when that happened and she said she wrote it down during one of my darkest valleys. She reminded me that the Holy Spirit can be at work in the bleakest moments. The quote was, "Just because I can't fix it, doesn't mean I can give up." I have used that statement several times this week to encourage others AND myself.

It is no secret that blending a family is lots of work. I don't think many people realize all the little daily things that have to really be worked through. Personally, I believe parenting is one of the toughest parts. There just aren't many resources for Christian "swirling" (our kids don't like the word blended) so that will throw you into the Bible a whole lot more. I read a verse the other day that said, Fathers, don't aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying." (Colossians 3:21) I read it again including the verse before and after. I jumped for joy. It only said "fathers" so I figured I had free reign to aggravate the fire out of them. Okay, not really but it was fun to think about for a moment because I seem to do that to my kids when I try to love them more and more.

In a blended family, the kids all adjust at different rates and it isn't overnight. It isn't even close. We are almost on year 4 and relationships are still taking lots of love and patience. Honestly, it hurts. I have so much love to give to Abby and Harrison. I did not get to love on them in the Barbie, G.I. Joe, coloring days. I am so blessed to be the step mom that God chose for them but I came along in some of the most hormonal, challenging days. There are walls that have to slowly come down just like my girls have had. I have watched Abby get close and then push away, almost as if she doesn't want to disrespect her mom. I get it! I have made sure they both know I am not here to take her place or ever let them forget her. With teenagers, you can't force anything. A relationship with a new parent isn't any different. I have given up about fifty times on my stool in my closet, but my love for them wins out every time.

Just the other day after everybody left the house, I got on my knees and cried for my relationship with them. My heart was aching as I was begging God to show me how to love them and tough love them at the same time. I was heart broken because sometimes it doesn't feel like they grasp how much I love them. So many things are hard to measure as you merge two families....especially with older kids. The straw that broke the camels back was when I was trying to gently explain to Abby that her choice in books was not age appropriate and it wasn't putting the right thing into her head or heart. The eye rolling, sassy attitude, and wall came back full force. If that had been Morgan years ago at age 12, I probably would have put a wooden spoon on her butt while she ran to call Child Services. Trust me, I have heard several times, "Gosh mom. You would have given me the spoon for that". It's just different when you are building relationships with step children, but you can't wait to parent until it is completely comfortable.

"A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them." (Proverbs 13:24 The Message) I continued to pray and this week has been a sweet answer. I decided I needed to keep trying something different so since both Abby and Landon are at an age where they want to read about love, I decided to read to them. I am reading them one of my absolute favorite books, "Redeeming Love". It is an adult book but it is from a Godly perspective and we are talking about it together. I have one daughter snuggling on one arm and the other clinging to the other arm. They are chowing down their veggies in record speed at the dinner table to get to reading. They are rushing in from school laughing and screaming for momma reading time. The smiles and the giggles have been a gift to me. The laundry isn't getting done and my braces are rubbing places in my mouth from reading, but my heart is grateful. I was reminded of the power of prayer and the love of a God that cared enough to put me here in the first place.

You may be blending a family, tackling your days as a single parent, or still adjusting to college transitions. Remember that just because you can't fix it, doesn't mean you can give up. God doesn't expect you to fix it. He may very well just need you to be an important part of the solution.