Tough Questions - Real Answers #2

My #2 interview is with my (step) daughter, Abby. She is about to be thirteen in ten days, as she just informed me. She is smart, beautiful, very mature for her age, and has a huge, loving heart for others. Here is a peek into her world.


Question: On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you right now?

Abby: Eight or nine

Question: What would make you say a ten?

Abby: Ummmmm. If we had more family time to do our quiet times like the time we did the lemon, chocolate chips, and hot sauce.

Question: I don't remember what we did with that. Can you remind me?

Abby: laughing....You had us sit at the table and eat all three. You had us eat the chocolate chips which represented us when we were sweet. Then you had us squeeze lemon juice on the chocolate chips and that was how having a sour attitude changed the sweet of the chocolate. Then you had us drizzle hot sauce which was like satan tempting us with anger or a bad attitude.

Question: Do you remember any parts of the car wreck your family had and if so what do you remember?

Abby: I remember.....how dad was driving most of the trip and then he switched with mom. I remember watching my favorite movie Finding Nemo in the van. I didn't see the car coming. I then only remember being put in an ambulance with the bad guys but I don't think anybody else from my family was in there.

Question: How did you know they were the "bad guys"?

Abby: I did not know them so I assumed they were the ones that hit our car.

Question: Do you remember anything about the hospital or right after the hospital?

Abby: We went there and they told me that I was going to be okay to leave, so I went with my aunt. Then we went back to the hospital the next day and I remember walking in and seeing dad on the bed chatting with the doctors and Harrison was on the floor playing a video game. I remember asking where mom was. Dad told me she went to heaven overnight.

Question: Do you remember how you felt right when he told you?

Abby: I felt like everything froze right in front of me. I felt lost and very confused. I cried.

Question: When do you miss your mom the most?

Abby: I would have to say on Mother's Day. I remember making my little cards for her with stick people and she and I would be holding hands with daisies.

Question: Do you think about her every day or are there some days you forget?

Abby: When I am having a not-so-great day, I think about her more. Then when I am having a good day, I feel guilty for not thinking about her.


Question: On your not-so-great days, does thinking about her help?

Abby: It helps when I journal. It is not a diary because I am talking to God. I know I can talk to some people like dad or you or close friends but I don't talk much to other people because I don't like the sympathy.

Question: What was it like when your dad started dating?

Abby: I felt like he was trying to replace mom. I just wasn't used to it. Then I got more used to it and would get close to some of the people. It was hard to make an effort because I knew they were going to leave because I didn't think anybody would be the one he would pick.

Question: Tough question.....Were you happy when he asked me to marry him?

Abby: Yes. I remember as soon as we found out, we were jumping around acting crazy. You were my favorite and I am not just saying that. I felt like an empty space was filled.

Question: Swirling a family is hard and a lot of work. What has been the hardest part for you?

Abby: Ummmm.....sharing dad. Because I was always used to only sharing him with Harrison. I am adjusted now and feel like I get my daddy time.

Question: How has it been adjusting to me as your step mom?

Abby: Like when people ask about my family, step mom gets stopped in my throat because it is kind of weird. It is weird because I was always used to saying "mom" and when mom was gone I got used to not saying "mom". It was "dad" "dad" "dad" all the time. It then went from Ms. Lisa slowly to step mom. When describing our family, I say step sisters and people want to know if my parents are divorced. I have to tell them my mom is up in heaven. It is weird having to share that with people you don't know very well.

Question: You called me "mom" early on and it actually surprised me. Was that hard and is it still hard?

Abby: I felt like I was supposed to even though you and dad never told me to, but now it comes naturally. A step parent should never feel guilty for replacing somebody because you are filling up an empty space in someone's heart. Even though things haven't been easy for us getting to know each other, I have learned to be more open with you.

****For privacy purposes, I will tell you Abby and I stopped right here for a moment and shared some sweet thoughts and tears that I just didn't feel like needed to be shared. I think it blessed both of us.*********

Question: With losing your mom and Josh, how has that affected your relationship with Jesus?

Abby: At first I remember being on the couch a lot from the bruises from the accident. I remember playing with my Barbie doll and asking God what was going on and I was really mad at Him at first. But, not so much anymore. That changed when dad started speaking and sharing the story so that good can come from it. That helps me to understand better what He is doing. It makes Jeremiah 29:11 understandable. I am not mad at Him anymore.....I mean I am an 8 or a 9 out of 10.