For the next several blog posts I am going to interview my family members. Last year I spoke to a group of women and in preparation for the topic of "Parenting Through Pain", I interviewed my daughters. Yesterday, I decided to do the same for my blog. I am going to ask the tough questions in order to get some real answers that might give me a better perspective, help me to learn how to pray for my family, and to give some insight to others that may find themselves on a similar journey. Talking is healing. Sharing is encouraging. Obviously, every person and situation is different, but this is a glimpse inside The Barrons.
I am starting with our oldest daughter, Morgan who just turned nineteen and is in college. She is home right now for Spring Break. She has been through two divorces and has been some strong glue in blending our family.
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Question: When have you been the happiest and why?
Morgan: Right now. Well, I guess it would be because I feel like I am living my own life. When you were a single mom, I felt like I had to take care of you and Landon. Then when we blended a family, I felt like I had the responsibility to make sure all of the kids got along. Now, I feel like I am getting to be me.
Question: How has living through two divorces affected you?
Morgan: I have a lot of trust issues. People in the past have said one thing and then done the opposite. It has also left me with a fear that everybody is going to leave me. At the same time, it has kind of made me very careful about love and I want to make sure that I marry the right person. I want to be sure that I listen to God to marry the right one.
Question: After three and a half years of our swirled family, do you trust Ridley?
Morgan: I want to be respectful of my real dad, but mine and Ridley's relationship is really close. I feel like if I have any problems or have made a mistake, that I can go to him. He gives me great wisdom. Ridley is very loving to me and patient with me because in the past I have not trusted him....not because of him but what I have been through. The only time my trust waivers is when Ridley gets upset about something and then I think he might leave too. I know he won't but sometimes those old feelings come back. So, yes, I trust him....more than I ever thought I would, but I have to work on my own issues from my past.
Question: What is the hardest part of swirling a family?
Morgan: Honestly, the hardest part is breaking down that "his" and "her" wall. That is what you are used to and I guess, my example would be for all the kids. It was hard to balance my relationships with Harrison and Abby because I was so close to Landon. It is hard to step out of your comfort zone in your own home. I didn't expect to come home and have to work so hard on relationships that normally should be natural. It has taken a lot of intentional work and time. It really takes time. It is hard that both sides come from two totally different stories but we all have been through a lot pain.
Question: What is your worst memory?
Morgan: I have tried to block out a lot of it. Two come to mind at first. One is when you and John would be in an argument and I did not want Landon to hear it. She was really little so I took her into her closet so she couldn't hear it. It was hard for me because I felt like I should protect her but I didn't have anybody to protect me. Second, you took me and Landon to a hotel for a "sleepover". I knew we were going to get away from what was going on at home. It was hard because Landon thought it was something fun but I was really scared.
Question: What is so important for divorced parents to know about their kids?
Morgan: Well, I guess it would be that just because they are going through a divorce, they need to get along for the kids' sake. That is something I really appreciate with you and my dad. I am glad I didn't feel like I had to pick sides. Parents need to understand that when a child wants to be with the other parent, that doesn't mean they don't want to be with them. Parents do not need to talk ugly about each other. I only remember a few times around the holidays that you may have said something and that was because you wanted time with me.
Question: What is it like to be in a new family for three years and be leaving for college?
Morgan: There were mixed feelings. The main feeling was that I didn't want to miss out on the growth in our new family. I felt robbed of time. I felt like I didn't get a lot of time but I now know that I am feeling closer because I miss them and the time I do have is more special.
Question: How important has church and your relationship with Jesus been for you growing up and when was it most important in your mind?
Morgan: It definitely played a HUGE role in who I am now. I have known Jesus since I was four years old. It is hard to imagine growing up without Him. There were times I was upset at the situation, but never angry with God. Never. There are key people in my life that were in my church who loved on us and took care of us through the hard times. It has been the most important for me while being at college. You guys aren't there to remind me to have a quiet time or go to church. There are really lonely times with making new friends so prayer and reading your Bible is huge. It gives you so much comfort and confidence.
Question: You and I have been the one constant thing through all the junk (Morgan: "Besides Jesus"). You had to grow up really fast. How has that affected your relationship with me?
Morgan: Ohhhh. I used to resent you around the middle school years and the beginning of high school. I don't any more. I know you did the best you could in your situation. Now, I feel like it has brought us closer. There were a lot of times that we only had each other. I think those situations we have shared help us now to understand each other and to help each other. Nobody can ever understand what we have been through except you and I. You are my best friend.
Question: By statistics that are out there for children of divorce, you are supposed to fail. What do you have to say about that?
Morgan: I am not going to! I hate that statistic. That is so NOT encouraging to kids that are already going through so much. I think that gives kids a cop out and that a child's success shouldn't be solely based on their parent's marital status. That makes me want to succeed even more. I am going to make sure I am constantly in God's Word to do His will and not my own. If I am doing that, I won't fail.
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