Next up is my hubby and best friend. Ridley and I have talked about so many things over the years, but some of these questions are questions I have never asked him. Some are questions that I thought others might want to ask him if they had the opportunity to ask. It is so hard to know what is "ok" to talk about when dealing with a past or a new future. All of my gang has been given permission to not answer something if they didn't want to.
Question: I have to ask you this question just like I did the kids. On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you?
Ridley: Ummm. Nine
Question: What would it take for you to be a ten?
Ridley: Heaven. I don't know that if we are being realistic, we will ever be a ten this side of heaven. Sometimes I am an eight when I am trying to figure out what God is doing with me and my family and what He desires for us.
Question: Before you met me, you thought you wouldn't marry a divorced woman. Why did you?
Ridley: I didn't say I wouldn't. I was just leery of it, but I got to a place of peace with the idea of dating and marrying a divorced woman.
Question: What has been the hardest part of marrying a divorced woman?
Ridley: Dealing with your past and swirling a family.
Question: What do you mean by "dealing with my past"?
Ridley: Ummm. Learning what it looks like to face up to your ghost of your past marriages and really the unique challenges that both of us have bringing our past into a new relationship. Some days I wish I could take away your past (the parts you don't like) so we didn't have to deal with it.
Question: It is obvious that my bad memories have affected our marriage. Do you think your good memories have affected us?
Ridley: Every memory affects all of us in some way. I just don't think they affect us so negatively.
Question: What do you think has been the hardest part of swirling our family?
Ridley: Reconciling our differences in parenting styles. You and I talked about values in our kids ahead of time, it is just the process by which we get to that.
Question: We have learned that divorce and death are painful but affect us in different ways. How do you think losing Sarah has affected you beyond the obvious?
Ridley: It has forced me to step back and look at perspective...what really matters. I think in a positive way, it has made me a more compassionate person. It has made me see life for the precious gift it is. It has also made me treasure my kids in a different way.
Question: Do you think about Sarah and Josh every day?
Ridley: No, but that doesn't have to do with having you and the girls. When I was a single parent, I didn't think about them every day either.
Question: When do you tend to think about them the most?
Ridley: Something will bring up a memory or special occasions like one of the kid's birthdays. Also special milestones like when Harrison started driving.
Question: You have had to help the girls and I to trust again. Has it taken longer than you thought?
Ridley: Yes, maybe a little bit but I think that is partially because of my naivete.
Question: Do you feel like you can talk about Sarah and Josh with me?
Ridley: Yes
Question: Do you sometimes feel guilty for being happy?
Ridley: No, because Sarah and I had conversations before she died about how we wanted the other to remarry if something happened. We both wanted each other to go on with our lives and to take care of the kids.
Question: Is it hard to focus on the present when you have an incredible speaking ministry based on your past?
Ridley: I don't think so. I think sometimes it does feel like I am lugging around a past. It might be easier if I could put it where my other memories are and to move on, but I know God wants good to come from it.
Question: What is your favorite Sarah memory and your favorite Josh memory?
Ridley: I have a lot of both, but Sarah's would be our wedding day. Josh's would be the night before he died because I taught him how to swim at the hotel and we watched our first Braves game together.
Question: Is it hard to love two women?
Ridley: I wondered if that would be hard at first, but it is a lot like children. You have one and wonder how you are ever going to love a second one. Then God gives you the capacity love in ways you have never dreamed.
Question: What do you think Sarah would have liked the most about me?
Ridley: You two would have hit it off big with your love for prayer and the Bible. No doubt about that.
Question: Out of the interviews with the kids I did, what answers surprised you or blessed you the most?
Ridley: All four of them have some unique perspectives that reminded me of how blessed we are. Their understanding of the challenges we all face was neat to read. I have a lot I could say but I intend to blog about it.
Question: What is the hardest part of being a step dad?
Ridley: To me, being a step dad isn't much different than being a dad. It is just that instead of starting in the minor leagues and working your way up, you get thrown into the world series.
Question: Is there anything about death or swirling a family that you would want to share with others?
Ridley: Blending families is a lot like going through grief. While there are some lessons that you can take away from other's experiences, every one's situation is unique. There are lessons about time, patience, trying to fix other people when in reality God may be using them to fix you, endurance, respect, learning to forgive one another and to have a home filled with grace.
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