I Am Tired and I Can't Sleep

Yes, it is 3:45 a.m. Jesus is up to something and I am simply up. After tossing back and forth in the dark, I decided to get up. I occasionally make the journey in the dark to my office. I shut the french doors and dim the lights. This morning, I sat down at my desk piled with coupons that haven't been cut, projects that haven't been finished, and file folders that are fanned out like a hand in cards. I laughed and my conversation with God started like this, "Ok, you are Lord of all in my life so why don't you just take care of it and let me sleep." His response...."It isn't called quiet time just for the heck of it. I didn't have your undivided attention yesterday, Lisa."

I can remember a season where sleep rarely came. It was a by product of worry. My body needed a break and my brain was running 24/7. So of course I recognize the symptoms this morning. Immediately the verse floods my mind from Matthew 6:34 "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Easier said than done. I stopped and wondered if Jesus ever needed an antacid. As scenes of his life came to mind, I saw how He cared about little things but he didn't stress over petty things. I recalled the really big stuff that He faced and yet He didn't try to do it all on His own. He called out to his heavenly daddy.

I don't have to know what will happen tomorrow. I probably really don't want to know. As I think back again to my sleepless season and darker days, I can see those petty things I used to worry about and how He was all about the little details of each one of those. I remember the really big stuff that He took care of when I could barely breathe. The many times I worried that pain would scar my kids forever. Now, I see how He has used that pain to build character. The daughter that feared to dream and now will graduate on Saturday and start the next step of her dreams. A mom that thought "this is as good as it is going to get" and is now seeing that the best is yet to come.


He promises a lamp unto our feet, not a crystal ball into the future. Why is it so hard for us to rest in that and just believe that He really has it all? If He is really leading us, why are we resistant? Psalm 103:4 says "He....loads me with love and mercy." God's love covers all things in our life. All secrets. All hurts. All hours of evil and all minutes of worry. His love will cover every promise broken, every penny needed, every hurtful word spoken, and every disappointment. We simply need to choose to be covered up in His love and not covered up in worry.

So, one step at a time is enough. Now, I just need to squeeze in a pedicure so my toes look good in my cute shoes for the journey. I wonder where I am going to fit that in? Smile. Laugh. Breathe.