Vomit Is In The Bible

When I read scripture, I love to think about God's character. There are verses where we see His compassion, His love and His incredible sense of humor. I would imagine there were times that Jesus' statements were accompanied by a twinkle in his eye. Most pictures we see of Jesus show Him as a somber and almost sad looking man. We tend to picture Him completely serious all the time. However, joy is mentioned numerous times in the Bible and Jesus loved to celebrate. When there was a celebration going on, I doubt He was standing outside refusing to fellowship.

My kids tend to repeat some of my puns and catch phrases. That comes from being around me and picking up on some of my lingo. So I wonder if Jesus was repeating things that He might have heard His Dad say in conversation. Think about God talking about the blind leading the blind as He watched his creation. (Matthew 15:14) Matthew 7:1-5 talks about noticing the speck of sawdust in someone's eye while we have a plank in our own. I love The Message translation of this verse: "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor."

While speaking to a group of ladies at a women's event a couple of weeks ago, I was reminded of God's humor at times during and after my divorce. There were times that laughing felt so good when my heart was hurting so bad. God knew just what to say to make me think AND laugh in those moments. I was retelling the season of my journey when I started thinking about dating. That was a creepy thing for me in my late thirties. As I began to even consider the thought, I wasn't feeling too confident in my own judgement. So what does God show me in His Word? Proverbs 26:11 that says, "a dog returns to his vomit". That made me think about some of my repeated behaviors in the past. Then I laughed at the actual picture of dogs and how they really do return to their vomit. Funny that God thought of that to make us think and evaluate our behavior.

Please don't think that God's Word is full of rules and criticism. Open it and read it. You may cry over the sweet things that God says to you. You might be encouraged by one of His many promises (there are over 7,000). You may learn a little bit more about who He is so you can imitate Him a little better. You may even laugh because He knows you need it. That is why in Proverbs 14:13 we read, "Even in laughter, the heart may ache." If you have the slightest bit of doubt about who God is, I dare you to open HIs Word. Only God could take the pages of a book with all of its words and meet each one of us where we need Him to for today. That should be enough to prove He and His Word are real.

Stinger!

After a birthday weekend for our daughter and the long preparations for Easter Sunday, Ridley and I decompressed yesterday with some softball practice. To help my cute, all-star husband, I love to get out and throw the softball with him. He never acts like the challenge is that great, but I give it my all for him. After throwing several times, I decided to throw my hardest and started yelling, "STINGER". I told Ridley I wanted to throw the ball so hard that it would sting his hand right through the glove. (Yeah - Right!) At least we got to laugh each time as I repeated my "stinger" in my umpire voice.

Today, I had a great conversation with someone about a different kind of stinger. Unforgiveness! This is a doozy in the Bible. We all know the importance of forgiving others but I know I have found myself at times hiding behind unforgiveness in an effort to not allow hurt in again. As humans, our hearts want to play mistaken identity and trick us into believing that forgiving someone means what they did is okay. That is not the case. Forgiveness is part of healing and moving past the hurt. I was sharing in my conversation today that the unforgiveness we hide behind to avoid pain, actually causes us more pain that the risk of letting someone close again.

The other important thing to remember is that forgiveness may not be just a one time thing. It may be that you are in a situation where forgiveness is a daily thing. Regardless of the method or frequency of forgiveness, we have to mean it in our heart. We can't just say it with our lips as a healing procedure, but we must feel it all the way down in our heart so that it is the real deal.

The verse that I shared in my conversation today was from Ecclesiastes 7:14, "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other." Basically, everything passes by God to get to us. That person who hurt you....God allowed it. That unkind word....God allowed it. That attack on your character.....God allowed it. That person who lied to you....God allowed it. It is often hard for us to understand what God is up to. I think we should quit trying to figure God out and just trust Him.

I have been trying to look at some recent challenges like this: God has allowed me to experience this either because of my choices or for a teachable moment. It might even be that I am a part of a God plan for someone else in those difficult moments. Isn't it just like God that we might heal through forgiving someone and then God might use that to minister to the person we are forgiving?

So I go back to this statement....Let's not focus on ourselves in the midst of our hurting, unfair and inconvenient moments. Let's focus on what God might be up to by allowing it to happen. I don't know about you, but I want to take notes and make sure I learn whatever God is intending so I don't have to go through it again.

Jesus Lovers are Freaky to Me

I thought people who loved Jesus were freaky! I admit I did my share of rolling my eyes and steering clear of people that constantly talked about their Jesus. I found myself whispering under my breath, "Enough already" or "Here they go again". I mean total FREAKS! It was okay that I was a freak for football, fun with friends or my family, but those were things I could see and touch. In my mind, Jesus was a history lesson I had heard about growing up in church. He was a Sunday kind of thing and not very relevant to my present day. I was the girl that sat in Sunday school praying.....that the teacher wouldn't call on me to answer any questions.

I remember a friend in college inviting me to a church presentation. At the end, I was freaked out over a room full of freaks. I "played along" just so I would blend in. Inside my heart, I just kept thinking it was all too weird. I was so uncomfortable! I left and continued to seek my security and my worth in other feel-good things. I do remember that the harder I searched, the bigger the void became. Pleasures were short lived and the constant running to fill the hole in my heart became tiring.

Then I entered the corporate world. The world that thrives on materialistic things and success. I earned my spot in my own private cubical and I was a part of a team with purpose and goals. I was making a difference and the things I worked hard at mattered. I met friends and had help in pursuing fun that I felt was earned. There was one distraction. My cubical was adjacent to a Jesus freak. I began to feel like they were everywhere. This freak became my friend and lived out her Jesus daily for me to watch. It was freaky at times but I was drawn to her and her heart. She invested in me and I am sure she prayed for me. One day she blew me away when she gave me a devotional book that was her grandmothers. I couldn't believe she would give me something that was so special to her. I immediately felt guilty as I knew it didn't mean as much to me and that I really didn't even have a desire to read it. I took it home and later opened it. Some of it got on me. She knew God's Word doesn't return void. (Isaiah 55:11) However, I pushed it to the depths of my heart and continued to believe that I was in control of myself. It just made more sense and was easier to believe.

Then came the day that I was in a small plane and the runway was running out during our landing. I was about to be in a small plane crash and all the things I worked hard to control and obtain were of no help. It was my daughter's sweet little face that I saw in my thoughts. I began to question what would happen to her if I died and then I panicked. What would happen to me if I died? What if all of that freaky stuff was true? Once I was safe on the ground, I drove to the closest church. It had been poured into me so I knew church was where I needed to go for the REAL answers. Of course I sat right behind another freak. With her hands up in the air, her bracelets were a distraction to me. Weren't those people suppose to sit up front? I mean I couldn't hide in the back with all the commotion. Wouldn't you know it. During one part of the service she turned around and my best friend from fifth grade had grown up and was a freak! She walked the journey with me and Jesus used her to water all those seeds that had been planted over the years.

I can't begin to tell you how many times I thank my Jesus for my college freak, my co worker freak, and my fifth grade friend freak. I get it now! I am one of those freaks. There is a good kind of freaky that just gets you talking and changing everything about your life. To be honest, at times it is just as hard as that life I had when I was searching, but now it has purpose and there is a power that comes from the One I am freaky about. A power that can get you through anything. A power that is there beside you through it all and gives you a security that nothing in the world can provide.

So now that I am one of those freaky Jesus lovers, I have a lot of people I care about that I need to be freaky for until they get it. I am sure my words, my actions, and even my blogs wreak of freak. That is okay. I have a responsibility to help plant some seeds and let it "get on you". I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for those unselfish freaks in my life. I love them!!!!!
I now know that I mattered to them. More importantly, I know that with all my poor choices and my junk, there is a Jesus who desires to hang out with me. Not to punish me, but to fill the void that only He can fill.

This is Easter week. Step out of your comfort zone and hang out with the freaks. This world is full of them but make sure you hang out with the kind of freaks that you want to get on you. It may be uncomfortable at first, but it is just the thing you don't even realize you are looking for!

Last Tough Question - Real Answers - Sarah's Sister

My last conversation is with Tricia who is Sarah's sister. Tears are running down my cheek as I stare at this big white space. I wish Tricia was sitting beside me right now so I could look her in the eye and tell her how much I love her. I wouldn't have guessed that when I first met Ridley that I would feel so much love for The Stevens Family. They may not be my family by blood but they have never (NEVER) made me feel anything less than family. I remember the first time we were driving to Atlanta to meet them. I think Ridley had to stop for me to go to the bathroom about 20 times before we got there. The minute I met Tricia, my stomach eased and my heart was full. I cherish the times I have with her. Her boys greet me with, "Hey Aunt Lisa" and she and Neil make me feel so welcomed in their home. We visit them and they visit us. That doesn't mean it is always easy for her or me at times. That's okay! Two of my favorite memories are one, when I sat in her kitchen looking at a scrapbook of things about Sarah. I want to soak in whatever Tricia wants to share so I can learn more and pass more on to Abby and Harrison. My second favorite is when I sat on my stool in my closet and called her crying. I was uncertain about my parenting with Harrison and Abby. She was so sweet. She told me what Sarah would want and the things she would be pleased with that I am doing. We laughed and cried. I will never forget the love and encouragement she shared that day. My blog may be long today, but Tricia is an amazing, Godly woman. She deserves this time and space.


QUESTION: Where were you when you found out about the wreck? Who notified you and were you told over the phone that Sarah did not make it?


TRICIA: Well, typically we spent Spring Break with Sarah’s family. This particular Spring Break, Sarah, Rid and the kids were coming up to our house to hang out and do things around Atlanta. One afternoon a few weeks before Spring Break, Sarah called to tell me that she had just finished cleaning out their filing cabinet. She came across a deal where they had purchased a trip to Hilton Head where you could stay in HH inexpensively if you visited one of the properties they had for sell. The expiration date was coming up and they needed to go ahead and use the trip before they lost their money. Sarah said they needed to go during Spring Break since that would be the best time to go. She then asked us to go as well. After talking it over with Neil, we decided to just let them go as a family. We knew that they would have to view the property, etc. so we decided to do something different as well. I can remember the disappointment in her voice to this day when I told her to just go ahead and do that trip as a family. We went ahead during that conversation and made a date for our families to be together a few weeks after Spring Break. That would be a weekend in Douglas later in the month. Little did I know at that time that I would still keep that date, but it wouldn’t be to see my sister. It would be to come down and see Rid and the kids and do some things to help Ridley around the house. I remember being in the her home without her……it was a feeling that I could hardly stand.

We went on to Neil’s brother’s mountain house in Highlands, NC for Spring Break. We had just arrived back at the house from eating dinner out. I remember walking into the bedroom and my cell phone was ringing. I answered the phone and it was my brother, Clay. He said hey and then asked me if Neil was with me. I told him that he was and then he asked me if I was sitting down. I sat down on the side of the bed. He went on to say that there had been a terrible accident. He said that Sarah and Rid were coming home from Florida. Well, I knew that they were coming home from Hilton Head. My mind was thinking……you already have your facts wrong so whatever you are about to tell me is wrong too. I knew he had bad news and I did not want to hear it. He went on to say that Ridley and Joshua were taken by helicopter to the hospital. Next he said that Harrison and Abby were okay. Then there was a pause. I said, what about Sarah? He said, ‘Tricia, Sarah went home to be with the Lord.” He began to cry. At that point, I dropped the phone and fell into Neil’s arms. I remember after that just scurrying through the house and collapsing into a corner. Neil came over, picked me up. I remember saying, “What is going on???” Neil said, “It is going to be alright. We are going to make it through this.” He picked me up and we gathered together as a family on the bed and began to pray.


QUESTION: How did you handling the rush of feelings that I can’t even begin to imagine you had?

TRICIA: That night we had to close up the mountain house and get down the mountain. We wanted to get to Douglas as fast as we could. I remember crying all the way home and for so many weeks to follow. I had feelings of disbelief on top of such feelings of sadness. During that first phone call, Clay said that Ridley (along with Josh) had been air-lifted to the hospital (as it turned out, only Josh had been air-lifted). Somewhere down the mountain, I remember thinking back to that conversation with Clay and remembering what he said about Ridley being in serious condition. I turned to Neil and said, “ Sarah is gone. If Ridley does not make it, we will have three more children to love and care for.” The thought of that was both my honor and overwhelming. I was trying to process all that was going on. I had so many questions and not enough answers. I just remember worrying about Ridley, Harrison, Abby and Josh. I remember worrying about my Mom and Dad. I remember just trying to fathom what life would be like without my sister…….my lifelong best friend.

QUESTION: What has the healing process looked like for you?

TRICIA: I always say that without a relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I probably would have curled up into a corner. What some may not know, we had just lost my brother’s little girl, Taylor. She had just passed away 5 months before we lost Sarah and Josh. Taylor was eleven when she passed away due to complications to her appendix. We were already grieving the loss of Taylor in November and then Granddaddy Barron died in February. By the time Sarah and Josh died, you could see why I was asking, “What is going on?” I asked Neil that question that night but I was really directing that question toward God. I did a lot of questioning and wrestling with God. I knew He had a plan but I did not like how the plan was unfolding. I like to describe it like this- I had always walked with my Savior since I was a little girl. I describe it like I was holding on to God with both hands. At some point during the grieving, I pulled one hand out of His and began to shake my fist at Him. Slowly as I worked through the grief and began to rest in the fact that His plan is perfect, I placed my hand back in His. The beautiful part about this picture, my God loves me even when I am shaking my fist at Him. That makes me smile. I remember night after night just crying myself to sleep. I am so thankful to Neil for allowing me to cry on his shoulder so many nights. He seemed to table his grieving to help me through the grieving process. Along with Neil, I had my family and close girlfriends and church family to lean on. I cannot begin to share all the wonderful people that came around us to love us though this hard time.

QUESTION: How did your own family cope?

TRICIA: We were so careful to talk through all that was going on with our boys. Colin was in kindergarten and Caleb was in the 4th grade at the time. They had just lost their cousin, Taylor, and now they lost their Aunt Sarah and cousin, Josh. I wanted them to know that losing three young family members in five months was not the norm. I also did not want them to live in fear of who would be next. I worked hard to bring in books on losing loved ones that were written for children. I wanted them to talk about their feelings so I would know how they were doing. We did a great deal of talking through things and praying together. We were also with Ridley, Harrison, Abby and other family as much as we could be. As much as it magnified the holes that were left in the family, it also helped to be together. It was months later that Neil began to grieve. I realized then that he had tabled his grieving to be there to help me through the grieving. It was now time for me to help him as best I could.

QUESTION: What was the hardest part for you while watching Ridley and the kids? How did you love on them when your own heart was breaking?

TRICIA: It was so hard to watch Ridley, Harrison and Abby as they tried to figure out how to go on without Sarah and Josh. I wanted to fill in the gaps as much as I could when I was around. We stayed for a week in Douglas after Sarah and Josh died. I didn’t want to leave. I remember running around trying to lay out Sunday clothes, helping the kids with their baths, cleaning up, preparing meals and just trying to do for Rid and the kids whatever Sarah would have done. I’ll never forget watching Harrison fall into his Daddy’s arms as he begged for his Mom. It broke my heart. I knew there wasn’t anything I could do to take that pain away. I wanted Sarah to come back too. We went back and forth to Douglas and later Nashville as much as we could. We wanted to be there to help Ridley with the children as much as we could. It was easy to love on them even though our my own heart was breaking. Sarah would have done the same for me.

QUESTION: What is one thing you would want everyone to know about Sarah that maybe a lot of people wouldn’t know?

TRICIA: That is a good question. Most things that I would say……if you knew Sarah then you would already know. She loved her God, husband, children, family and friends well. She loved to help others. She loved to laugh and be silly. That is probably what I miss the most about her…….just being with her…..just being silly and goofy. She was one of my most favorite people on the planet. We could be in a room and just talk to each other with our eyes. We loved to talk weekly about what was going on with our families, with Mom and Dad and in our own lives. We love to bounce things off of each other. One of our favorite things to do was called “Meet in the Middle Day.” No matter where we lived, we would always meet in the middle. The kids would play, we would catch up, have lunch (and ice cream) and then head back to our homes. Many times the middle would be in Macon and we would spend the day with Mom and Dad.

QUESTION: What did you feel/experience when Ridley started dating?

TRICIA: Honestly, it was hard to watch Ridley date. As much as I knew that Ridley needed a helpmate and Harrison and Abby needed a Mom, I didn’t want it to be anyone but Sarah. The women seemed to come out of the woodwork as they say. I remember one woman calling Ridley just two weeks after Sarah died. It really upset me. I couldn’t believe any woman would do something like that. From time to time, Ridley would call to say that he had met someone or was dating someone new. There were quite a few women over the three years until he met you.


QUESTION: What were your initial feelings when you heard we were getting married?

TRICIA: Ridley shared with me and Neil about a conversation that he had with Sarah after Taylor died. He said that he laid in bed with Sarah one night and they had a conversation about what if one of them passed away. He went on to share how they talked about what they would want to have at their funerals (songs, interpretive movement, etc.) and where they would want to be buried. All of these questions came as a result of walking through Taylor’s death. One thing they said to each other will always stick in my mind…… if one of us dies, then we would want the other one to go on and marry again BUT don’t just marry for a wife and don’t just marry for a mother, marry for BOTH. Don’t settle for anything less than the full package- a wife and a mother. I remember the day Ridley called to tell me about you. I was at the ballpark (where I can be found most days). I could tell that the lady he was talking about was different this time. He seemed to be quite sure of himself and quite serious. I remembering praying that day and the days to follow that Ridley would indeed be marrying the full package. I know now that he did!

QUESTION: What do you think Sarah would want me to know that is important for Harrison and Abby?

TRICIA: Sarah would want you to do what you are already doing- loving your God well, loving your husband well, and loving your children well. All of these things were super important to Sarah. Family time was very important to her too. She loved to play with Harrison, Abby and Josh. She always made time to go outside with them and just be with them. It could just be simple things like riding bikes, planting flowers, splashing in a pool, sitting on the patio and swinging. I know Harrison and Abby are older now but there are still simple ways to be together. I know Sarah would want you to treat Harrison and Abby like they were your own. I know you missed the growing up years but God has entrusted them to you now for such a time as this. Love them well and love their Dad well. Show Harrison and Abby what a Godly marriage looks like. Show Harrison what to look for in a Godly wife and how to treat her with love and respect. Show Abby how to love and respect her husband. Show her what a Godly wife and mother looks like and how to be a young woman of modesty. Provide a home that is safe, comfortable and where they are free to be themselves. Try to find ways to keep the memory of their first Mom alive. I think in the end, Harrison and Abby will have so much love and respect for you for allowing Sarah’s memory to be remembered.

QUESTION: You guys were so sweet to come to our wedding and to be a part of our lives? How is that hard or how does it help?

TRICIA: Ridley has been a part of our family since the day he met Sarah. When they walked down the aisle, he became our brother-in-law and a part of our family. That did not change the day Sarah died. We told him then that nothing would ever change. No matter what the future would hold, he would always be our brother and a part of our family. We would continue to be family no matter what. I always prayed that whoever he married, that they would be accepting of us and would want us to be a part of her life. We wanted to be at your wedding. We wanted to be there for Ridley, for you, and for Harrison and Abby. True, it was hard to be there. It was a happy and a sad day. It was one more step toward saying goodbye to Sarah. It was a beautiful wedding and we were so glad to share in the day.

Tough Questions - Real Answers #9-Ridley's Sisters

My questions today are for my sisters in law. Ridley is very close to his sisters and during his tragedy, you can see the important role they both play.

QUESTION: Where were you when you were notified about the wreck?

HARRIET: Since that weekend was Easter weekend, I was shopping for clothes and Easter basket items for the boys. Richard (her husband) and Carter were at ball practice; Ric was home alone. Ric called while I was out shopping and said Coffee Co. hospital wanted me to call. At first it just did not register. I told him I'd call when I got home, hung up, thought about it a few seconds. I then put down the items I was purchasing, headed for the parking lot while calling Ric to get more information and a phone number. I was driving home as I talked with Ridley and the nurse at the hospital. I was the first one contacted so I then had to pull myself together so I could get in touch with others.

TONDA: We were an hour away from Douglas, where the wreck occurred. We had been to the beach overnight for spring break. Keith’s (her husband) phone was ringing and I answered. The caller ID read Coffee Regional Medical Center. Since Keith represented several doctors it wasn’t alarming. He got lots of calls from that number. The female voice asked to speak to Keith. I told her he wasn’t available and she said that his brother, Ridley, wanted her to call and let Keith know that he and the baby had been in a wreck. I said, “He doesn’t have a brother. That’s my brother.” Immediately I remembered that they were coming home that day from spring break. I said, “Where’s my sister-in-law?” She stammered and told someone in the background, “She wants to know about her sister-in-law.” She couldn’t give me an answer. Immediately after hanging up with her my sister called and told me that Sarah had died.


QUESTION: What was the hardest for you to watch with Ridley and the kids after the accident?

HARRIET: I think the toughest memory of the children was as we took each one in Ridley's room, closed the door, and waited outside until we heard the tearful response when Ridley told them Sarah Ellen was gone. For Ridley, I wanted to do for him, but I felt so limited. Maybe that was the hardest, knowing he was beginning a new life without Sarah Ellen-physical injuries, being both parents, emotional wounds, shepherding a church, making a move.

TONDA: When we all gathered around his bed in ICU (Keith, Harriet, Richard and Mother) and he asked us if she was gone. We confirmed and his face crumpled and he said, “I didn’t want to be alone.”

QUESTION: Was it hard to figure out your role in the healing process?

HARRIET: I wasn't sure how to help. I was going to be three hours away in Columbus working and caring for two very involved teenagers. I'm not sure I played much of a role once I went home, not because I didn't want to, but because I wasn't there to be a part.

TONDA: It was and it wasn’t. So many people stepped in to do practical things, like meals and church related things. I knew they were taken care of on that level. Plus, Mom was living with them and doing all that she could. My heart wanted to be there for Harrison and Abby and, honestly, for Sarah – to tuck them in every night, to do things like their mama did that would keep their world as normal as possible. I had to realize that I couldn’t do that for them and my own boys, too. It was a desperate feeling.


QUESTION: How did your own family cope as you tried to help Ridley and the kids?

HARRIET: I'm not sure if being physically removed from the healing process made it worse or better. I wasn't sure how the boys processed it. I did learn later one of the boys seemed to have more problems with it than the other. Richard was my anchor in the storm. He was there for me. All I know is God was our strength; there is no other way we could have gone through (emphasis on through) all of this.

TONDA: Our boys could not have been sweeter. They understood every time I hopped in the car to run to Ridley’s. They were the ones who wanted to move to Franklin when they heard he and the kids were moving. After we moved and everything was new and different, one of them did say that everyone was so sympathetic to Harrison and Abby, but that they were hurting, too. They really loved Sarah and Josh so much.

QUESTION: Your father passed away two months before the accident? Can you even put into words what it was like to lose so many in such a short period of time?

HARRIET: My first concern was Mother. She was already showing signs of depression. I could not imagine what this would do to her. Fortunately, she lived closeby. She handled it with all the faith and strength she showed during Daddy's illness. She immediately went into "Mama-mode", concerned only about caring for Ridley and the children. As far as Josh is concerned, I was so anxious about Ridley caring for three children with his injuries. I feel in my heart, regardless of what others say, Josh would not have been healthy had he lived. I feel guilty thanking God that Josh is healthy in heaven, and that Ridley had two healthy children here since he was raising them alone. I knew he had many challenges ahead, and knowing God would help him through all of it, I knew it was not going to be easy. How much more difficult would it have been if Josh had problems related to the accident, and Ridley had to deal with those in addition to all the other? I never felt bitter about what happened at the hospital. It was hard to comprehend when it happened, but all I could think about was those involved with what happened. No one intentionally made that happen; they had to be hurting in ways we could not imagine. Yes, we hurt, and it didn't seem fair, but they hurt, too, and we know that none of this happened without it being under God's direction. I think about it sometimes; we lost three family members from three generations all in six weeks. Each one taught us something. The following year was especially filled with tough "anniversaries"-birthdays, wedding anniversaries, holidays-days that reminded us of each one.

TONDA: I was always a daddy’s girl. I had to say goodbye to him over the telephone because Keith and I were in Europe doing music at a pastor’s conference. That hurt so badly. I wanted to touch him – to love him one last time. I must say that Sarah brought disbelief, but when we found out about Josh I didn’t respond to those people very kindly. I know very deeply that everything comes through God before it gets to me, but I think his death was the last straw with my resolve.

QUESTION: What was difficult for you as Ridley began dating and then announced he was getting married?

HARRIET: To use Richard's terminology, I went into "alpha female mode". I knew Ridley did a great job of finding his first love, and he is an extremely intelligent man. However, there was a part of me wanting to ask for applications, background checks, and several references before he even considered dating someone. Remember, he was not just chosing a wife, he was choosing a mother for my niece and nephew. When he announced he was marrying a woman who had been married twice and already had two children, I honestly had many concerns.

TONDA: My mama heart just wanted to make sure that Harrison and Abby were okay with it all. I think Ridley always handled the dating thing really well. And you guys have obviously done a tremendous job with the “two become one” process. You’ve blended your lives as well as the lives of your children in a most admirable way. It’s an incredible pattern for others to follow.

QUESTION: What has been the hardest part of being involved in our blending of a family?

HARRIET: The hardest part is we still don't see each other much so it's harder to "be" family. Yes, we are legally joined, and we love one another, but I wish we were more a part of one another's lives.

TONDA: Abby broke my heart for a while. She had been the daughter/wife/mama (or so she thought) since the accident, especially after they moved to Tennessee. I watched closely to make sure she was okay through it all. I appreciated the fact that you were so graciously sensitive to her little feelings. It also helped that you talked with me about it a lot. And, of course, Harrison becoming the minority was comical and a tad bit heartbreaking at times! It has taken some time, I think, for Morgan to let us love her. I think we’re there now, but many times I felt disheartened because I couldn’t seem to connect with her. She’s a beautiful young lady, but she’s been through a lot. I understood, but we’re one big happy family and that includes her. I just wanted us all to jump right in and have a love fest! I’ve tried to respect that and let it just happen. Landon’s nature is just loving and accepting.

QUESTION: In the last 7 years, explain what God has done in your life as a result of being a part of Ridley’s journey?

HARRIET: Wow! I cannot tell you the number of times I've been able to use what we have been through to help someone else going through a similar situation. It also has made me stronger in my faith in God's goodness. As I remind others in difficult times, He leads us "through the valley". That means we come out on the other side; we don't stay there.

TONDA: I don’t think there’s time to share everything. My little family began our own Jesus Journey the year before the wreck and the past eight years have been intertwined as He has proven time and time again that He is who He says He is. I’ve loved Him my whole life, but the two events have planted my life so securely in His. I know without a doubt that He loves me and that He is trustworthy – even when I can’t see it.