Back in the year 2000, my girls and I were in an automobile wreck. It was probably one that the police have filed away in a box and long forgotten. However, it is a memory that enters my thoughts way more than I would have guessed. Most of the time it is when I am thinking about prayer or actually praying.
It is probably because back then, I had a very strong feeling that I was going to have a wreck before I actually had it. It was a strong feeling that at times made me very nervous. I began to pray for angels on all four corners of my van every time I got into it. I even asked my best friend to pray for our protection. It wasn't a conversation I wanted to have with a lot of people for fear of sounding freaky. I went so far in one conversation with my friend to discuss which songs I wanted at my funeral, if something should happen. The conversation wasn't one of fear, but of preparation. The continued feeling forced me to pray out loud in that van all the time. Being in real estate, that van was my office so there were days where I was constantly driving.
On the late afternoon of the wreck, I was dressed for work, had both of the girls in the car with me, and had been to Sam's to pick up some bulk items. We were headed home. Landon was seated behind me in her car seat and Morgan was in the seat behind the passenger's side. It was customary at that time of day to be juggling work phone calls and mommy conversations. I was on the cell phone with one of my real estate team members and I quietly said, "I am about to have a wreck right now". I saw a car flying down a side street with no anticipation of stopping at the stop sign that I was about to pass. I dropped the phone and braced myself. My poor team member heard it all. The teenage driver of the other car, hit the passenger side of the van where Morgan was seated and pushed our van across the road up onto a guardrail. I remember the van bouncing back down onto the road and the front of the van was crushed into the street. I quickly took inventory of the girls and their condition. Morgan was very upset and Landon's eyes took up every bit of the space in my rear view mirror, but they appeared to be okay.
When things like that happen, time is hard to measure and things tend to move in slow motion. With the guardrail crushing Landon's side door in, and the other car crushing in Morgan's side door and the front door, there was no way to really get out of the van, so we sat. People were gathering quickly. The front of the van was buckled in on my knees a bit and it was a little difficult to wiggle free. I wasn't sure we should move until emergency vehicles got there. The faces that appeared in the passenger window said otherwise. Growing up in Franklin, I actually recognized one of them but one particular, unfamiliar face stood out. The man was dressed in a plaid flannel shirt and had a beard. He appeared to be very big, fit, and had a deep voice. I realized the passenger window was cracked from where I had opened it for some fresh air. The men began to encourage Morgan to get to the front seat immediately. They could not get the window down since it was a powered window. Several of them began to push the glass down with force to try to make the opening larger. I told them that for the most part, I felt like we were all okay until the police came. The stranger looked at me and said, "Ma'am we need to get you all out of here".
At that point, I realized the large container of Tide that was in the very back of the van had been thrown throughout the vehicle and exploded. Real estate contracts and checks over my visor were dripping with blue detergent. We were all covered in liquid Tide and looked like Smurfs. The men pulled Morgan (who was about 8 years old) out the window and asked me to try to turn enough to unbuckle Landon. With one arm, I managed to get her out and pulled her to the front of the van. At about 18 months old, I felt like I was going to pull her arm out of socket. They easily slid her out the window. I watched the gentleman I knew, taking care of my daughters. I was relieved they were out and being cared for. With all the commotion going on outside of the van, I was somewhat glad that I was inside for a brief moment until the guy in the plaid shirt looked at me and said, "You're next." He was an employee from the nearby lumber yard that had heard the impact and ran to the scene. I looked at the window and reminded him that I was a bit bigger than my girls and although I had not had much for lunch, I was not going to get through that window. His next words caused panic. "Ma'am the back of your van has been on fire."
I quickly wiggled my legs free and made my way, head first out the window. Several guys were still pushing the glass down as I informed them that I had girl parts that were trying to get out the window. I am not sure why they didn't break the window but I finally got out. As I stood there in front of my new friend, I began to thank him. He told me that the Tide was a blessing to sliding all of us out of the window. I quickly felt guilty for seeing the detergent as a nuisance on top of a problem. As the police were taking notes from the scene and the witnesses, I heard what the man in the plaid shirt said to the cop. "The van was rolling over the guardrail towards the river bank, when all of the sudden it looked like a hand just pushed it back over the guardrail."
On that day, I changed my way of thinking on a couple of matters. My prayer life changed dramatically! I now pray with believability and I ask others to pray for me. There is power in prayer. I still pray for angels on all four corners of all of our cars. I also try to go back to the understanding that the nuisances in life can be used for something good. There are so many times that I can get down about something and then I remember that blue Tide all in that van and how God used that. Jeremiah's prayer in Chapter 10 includes this acknowledgement in verse 23: "LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps."
In the unexpected we need to battle the tendency to get frustrated, angry, or blue because that nuisance may be part of God's plan that He needs to free us or rescue us from something. Pray in advance believing verse 23 that reminds us it really isn't up to us, but pray trusting the One whose plan really is better than our own.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Pom-Poms and Praises
Are you kidding me? That is how I responded the other day when a friend said, "You must have been a cheerleader in school." I busted out laughing. I thought about my school memories of wanting to be accepted, to fit in, to be popular. Honestly, it made me cringe a bit. I couldn't do a cartwheel. I didn't initiate new fashion. I was late in blooming and late to wear makeup. I was picked close to last in dodge ball and watched my friends with a tad of envy. I had great friends, a great family and lots of great memories but some of those comparison moments stick! The world can make us feel inadequate.
I am a big girl now and I wish I had known then what I know now. I wish I had fully understood where my value and worth came from. I wish I had understood the concept of God's plan just for Lisa and how much love He puts into the things He creates. As an adult, I still have amazing friends, the most awesome family and I am making great memories. There are still those times I catch myself comparing and feeling inadequate, but I trap the crap and remember the truth. God doesn't make any mistakes....with any of us!
At forty three, I am a daughter of a loving King, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister and a friend. I still don't initiate new fashion. I might be the first to dig something old out of the closet and bring it back into fashion while embarrassing my kids. I am lucky if I get makeup on sometimes and it is usually while pulling out of the garage as I taxi to the next stop. I would probably still be picked close to last in dodge ball but I would be laughing instead of being envious. I still can't do a cartwheel but I am finally a cheerleader.
The more I talk to people, the more I hear that they need people rooting for them. I am training myself to listen. I listen for the small victories and the opportunities to pull out my pom-poms and cheer them on. I just barely get my spirit fingers shaking and the look in their eyes is one of shock. Many respond with, "No one has ever thanked me for that" or "Usually no one notices". I then share my look of shock with them as my heart breaks. A lot of times these are people I have just met and have only heard a summary of their story. It makes me wonder about the people in their everyday life. I wonder where their pom-poms are. My guess is those cheerleaders have either quit listening for the small victories or they have a mirror in front of them, blocking their view of their team mate, as they admire their own qualities.
God is pretty clear all through the Bible on using our pom-poms and praises. Proverbs is full of how important it is. Proverbs 12:25 says, "Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up." How about Proverbs 15:15? "All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast." Proverbs 17:22... "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."
Encouragement can go a long way and keep all of us moving in the right direction with the right thoughts. As I dust off some pom-poms and practice my cheers, I encourage you to do the same. Make sure you keep doing it for the people in your huddle, but be sure to leave room for new people on your team. Jesus is rooting for all of us, but it is a lot louder and more effective when we all join in with one voice and one goal to spread love.
"Two, Four, Six, Eight!" *shake*shake* "We've got Spirit" *shake*shake* herkie * no cartwheel. VICTORY!!!!!
I am a big girl now and I wish I had known then what I know now. I wish I had fully understood where my value and worth came from. I wish I had understood the concept of God's plan just for Lisa and how much love He puts into the things He creates. As an adult, I still have amazing friends, the most awesome family and I am making great memories. There are still those times I catch myself comparing and feeling inadequate, but I trap the crap and remember the truth. God doesn't make any mistakes....with any of us!
At forty three, I am a daughter of a loving King, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister and a friend. I still don't initiate new fashion. I might be the first to dig something old out of the closet and bring it back into fashion while embarrassing my kids. I am lucky if I get makeup on sometimes and it is usually while pulling out of the garage as I taxi to the next stop. I would probably still be picked close to last in dodge ball but I would be laughing instead of being envious. I still can't do a cartwheel but I am finally a cheerleader.
The more I talk to people, the more I hear that they need people rooting for them. I am training myself to listen. I listen for the small victories and the opportunities to pull out my pom-poms and cheer them on. I just barely get my spirit fingers shaking and the look in their eyes is one of shock. Many respond with, "No one has ever thanked me for that" or "Usually no one notices". I then share my look of shock with them as my heart breaks. A lot of times these are people I have just met and have only heard a summary of their story. It makes me wonder about the people in their everyday life. I wonder where their pom-poms are. My guess is those cheerleaders have either quit listening for the small victories or they have a mirror in front of them, blocking their view of their team mate, as they admire their own qualities.
God is pretty clear all through the Bible on using our pom-poms and praises. Proverbs is full of how important it is. Proverbs 12:25 says, "Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up." How about Proverbs 15:15? "All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast." Proverbs 17:22... "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."
Encouragement can go a long way and keep all of us moving in the right direction with the right thoughts. As I dust off some pom-poms and practice my cheers, I encourage you to do the same. Make sure you keep doing it for the people in your huddle, but be sure to leave room for new people on your team. Jesus is rooting for all of us, but it is a lot louder and more effective when we all join in with one voice and one goal to spread love.
"Two, Four, Six, Eight!" *shake*shake* "We've got Spirit" *shake*shake* herkie * no cartwheel. VICTORY!!!!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
You Can't Fix It?
My dear friend, Kate posted a quote on Facebook the other day that I read and I thought was really good. Then I read that I was the one who made the statement years ago. I was shocked. I didn't remember ever saying it. I asked her when that happened and she said she wrote it down during one of my darkest valleys. She reminded me that the Holy Spirit can be at work in the bleakest moments. The quote was, "Just because I can't fix it, doesn't mean I can give up." I have used that statement several times this week to encourage others AND myself.
It is no secret that blending a family is lots of work. I don't think many people realize all the little daily things that have to really be worked through. Personally, I believe parenting is one of the toughest parts. There just aren't many resources for Christian "swirling" (our kids don't like the word blended) so that will throw you into the Bible a whole lot more. I read a verse the other day that said, Fathers, don't aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying." (Colossians 3:21) I read it again including the verse before and after. I jumped for joy. It only said "fathers" so I figured I had free reign to aggravate the fire out of them. Okay, not really but it was fun to think about for a moment because I seem to do that to my kids when I try to love them more and more.
In a blended family, the kids all adjust at different rates and it isn't overnight. It isn't even close. We are almost on year 4 and relationships are still taking lots of love and patience. Honestly, it hurts. I have so much love to give to Abby and Harrison. I did not get to love on them in the Barbie, G.I. Joe, coloring days. I am so blessed to be the step mom that God chose for them but I came along in some of the most hormonal, challenging days. There are walls that have to slowly come down just like my girls have had. I have watched Abby get close and then push away, almost as if she doesn't want to disrespect her mom. I get it! I have made sure they both know I am not here to take her place or ever let them forget her. With teenagers, you can't force anything. A relationship with a new parent isn't any different. I have given up about fifty times on my stool in my closet, but my love for them wins out every time.
Just the other day after everybody left the house, I got on my knees and cried for my relationship with them. My heart was aching as I was begging God to show me how to love them and tough love them at the same time. I was heart broken because sometimes it doesn't feel like they grasp how much I love them. So many things are hard to measure as you merge two families....especially with older kids. The straw that broke the camels back was when I was trying to gently explain to Abby that her choice in books was not age appropriate and it wasn't putting the right thing into her head or heart. The eye rolling, sassy attitude, and wall came back full force. If that had been Morgan years ago at age 12, I probably would have put a wooden spoon on her butt while she ran to call Child Services. Trust me, I have heard several times, "Gosh mom. You would have given me the spoon for that". It's just different when you are building relationships with step children, but you can't wait to parent until it is completely comfortable.
"A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them." (Proverbs 13:24 The Message) I continued to pray and this week has been a sweet answer. I decided I needed to keep trying something different so since both Abby and Landon are at an age where they want to read about love, I decided to read to them. I am reading them one of my absolute favorite books, "Redeeming Love". It is an adult book but it is from a Godly perspective and we are talking about it together. I have one daughter snuggling on one arm and the other clinging to the other arm. They are chowing down their veggies in record speed at the dinner table to get to reading. They are rushing in from school laughing and screaming for momma reading time. The smiles and the giggles have been a gift to me. The laundry isn't getting done and my braces are rubbing places in my mouth from reading, but my heart is grateful. I was reminded of the power of prayer and the love of a God that cared enough to put me here in the first place.
You may be blending a family, tackling your days as a single parent, or still adjusting to college transitions. Remember that just because you can't fix it, doesn't mean you can give up. God doesn't expect you to fix it. He may very well just need you to be an important part of the solution.
It is no secret that blending a family is lots of work. I don't think many people realize all the little daily things that have to really be worked through. Personally, I believe parenting is one of the toughest parts. There just aren't many resources for Christian "swirling" (our kids don't like the word blended) so that will throw you into the Bible a whole lot more. I read a verse the other day that said, Fathers, don't aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying." (Colossians 3:21) I read it again including the verse before and after. I jumped for joy. It only said "fathers" so I figured I had free reign to aggravate the fire out of them. Okay, not really but it was fun to think about for a moment because I seem to do that to my kids when I try to love them more and more.
In a blended family, the kids all adjust at different rates and it isn't overnight. It isn't even close. We are almost on year 4 and relationships are still taking lots of love and patience. Honestly, it hurts. I have so much love to give to Abby and Harrison. I did not get to love on them in the Barbie, G.I. Joe, coloring days. I am so blessed to be the step mom that God chose for them but I came along in some of the most hormonal, challenging days. There are walls that have to slowly come down just like my girls have had. I have watched Abby get close and then push away, almost as if she doesn't want to disrespect her mom. I get it! I have made sure they both know I am not here to take her place or ever let them forget her. With teenagers, you can't force anything. A relationship with a new parent isn't any different. I have given up about fifty times on my stool in my closet, but my love for them wins out every time.
Just the other day after everybody left the house, I got on my knees and cried for my relationship with them. My heart was aching as I was begging God to show me how to love them and tough love them at the same time. I was heart broken because sometimes it doesn't feel like they grasp how much I love them. So many things are hard to measure as you merge two families....especially with older kids. The straw that broke the camels back was when I was trying to gently explain to Abby that her choice in books was not age appropriate and it wasn't putting the right thing into her head or heart. The eye rolling, sassy attitude, and wall came back full force. If that had been Morgan years ago at age 12, I probably would have put a wooden spoon on her butt while she ran to call Child Services. Trust me, I have heard several times, "Gosh mom. You would have given me the spoon for that". It's just different when you are building relationships with step children, but you can't wait to parent until it is completely comfortable.
"A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them." (Proverbs 13:24 The Message) I continued to pray and this week has been a sweet answer. I decided I needed to keep trying something different so since both Abby and Landon are at an age where they want to read about love, I decided to read to them. I am reading them one of my absolute favorite books, "Redeeming Love". It is an adult book but it is from a Godly perspective and we are talking about it together. I have one daughter snuggling on one arm and the other clinging to the other arm. They are chowing down their veggies in record speed at the dinner table to get to reading. They are rushing in from school laughing and screaming for momma reading time. The smiles and the giggles have been a gift to me. The laundry isn't getting done and my braces are rubbing places in my mouth from reading, but my heart is grateful. I was reminded of the power of prayer and the love of a God that cared enough to put me here in the first place.
You may be blending a family, tackling your days as a single parent, or still adjusting to college transitions. Remember that just because you can't fix it, doesn't mean you can give up. God doesn't expect you to fix it. He may very well just need you to be an important part of the solution.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Say It Isn't So
I will be the first to say, "It isn't so".
It is Valentine's Day....the day of love. As a kid growing up, I loved this day. My daddy was my first valentine and I looked forward to his love and sweet surprises. As an adult, it was one of my least favorite holidays. The wonderful image of love I had dreamed about was shattered by reality and heart ache as I got older. Then as I fell more in love with Jesus, I realized how commercialized this holiday really was. Don't think that I am a cupid-day party pooper. I love to tell people how much I love them and I love to extend the little surprises to my own family just like my dad did.
My youngest daughter, Landon, looked at me the other day while having a "guy" talk with her and Abby, and she asked, "Are you getting ready to tell us to guard our hearts again?" I smiled and said, "Yes. I can't tell you how important it is to protect it until God is ready for you to give it away." "Besides, remember, Jesus is the best boyfriend you will ever have." The conversation ended with an, "I know mom". I feel like one of those employees that work behind the counter with the protective eye gear as they monogram gifts. I pray that with every conversation with my kids, I am etching these truths into their heart.
Valentine's Day is a day that I always pray hardest for my single friends. The whole promotion of this holiday oozes with having a special someone. Hallmark's yearly velcro buddies, the heart necklace where he wears half and she wears the other, and the extra row of cards and flowers in every grocery store. Pink and red are everywhere as flashing billboards reminding some people of loneliness and hurt. So for my single friends, I say again, "It isn't so." It isn't the way the world portrays it. There is a deeper love. A real love. A never-ending, never disappointing love that is much bigger than anything Valentine's Day is about. It is all about Jesus and it is a love worth celebrating every day. God has given you flowers every day in His creation and offers a sweetness that can't be experienced through Whitman or Russell Stover. Let me tell you about the jewels that you will have in your crown in heaven one day if you fall madly in love with Him. Talk about some bling!
Here are some wives' tales the world falls for:
1. When sleeping under a new blanket, make a wish for new love and you will meet him the following afternoon.
2. If a girl, but only on the first of May, looks sideways into a mirror on first waking up, may see the image of her future husband.
3. A bride who sews her own dress will have a life of luck.
4. If a bird flies into a house, it is bad luck. Unless there are two birds, then a wedding in the family is coming up.
Ok, If you think falling in love with Jesus sounds crazy, reread number one through four again. I have been studying and reflecting on a verse this past week in 1Timothy Chapter 4. It says in verse 7, "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be Godly."
What I love about that verse is when it says to "train yourself". That is a reminder that it isn't going to be easy or natural, but that we have to work at it. We have to work at resisting the teachings of the world even when it comes to love. We have to train to love God first and with all of our heart so that we can love others the way He wants us to. We have to train to etch His truths on our hearts so that on a day like today, we can eat chocolate and celebrate that Jesus loves us best!
Guess what? IT ISN'T SO and I have to say (heart ache and all) I am really glad it isn't.
It is Valentine's Day....the day of love. As a kid growing up, I loved this day. My daddy was my first valentine and I looked forward to his love and sweet surprises. As an adult, it was one of my least favorite holidays. The wonderful image of love I had dreamed about was shattered by reality and heart ache as I got older. Then as I fell more in love with Jesus, I realized how commercialized this holiday really was. Don't think that I am a cupid-day party pooper. I love to tell people how much I love them and I love to extend the little surprises to my own family just like my dad did.
My youngest daughter, Landon, looked at me the other day while having a "guy" talk with her and Abby, and she asked, "Are you getting ready to tell us to guard our hearts again?" I smiled and said, "Yes. I can't tell you how important it is to protect it until God is ready for you to give it away." "Besides, remember, Jesus is the best boyfriend you will ever have." The conversation ended with an, "I know mom". I feel like one of those employees that work behind the counter with the protective eye gear as they monogram gifts. I pray that with every conversation with my kids, I am etching these truths into their heart.
Valentine's Day is a day that I always pray hardest for my single friends. The whole promotion of this holiday oozes with having a special someone. Hallmark's yearly velcro buddies, the heart necklace where he wears half and she wears the other, and the extra row of cards and flowers in every grocery store. Pink and red are everywhere as flashing billboards reminding some people of loneliness and hurt. So for my single friends, I say again, "It isn't so." It isn't the way the world portrays it. There is a deeper love. A real love. A never-ending, never disappointing love that is much bigger than anything Valentine's Day is about. It is all about Jesus and it is a love worth celebrating every day. God has given you flowers every day in His creation and offers a sweetness that can't be experienced through Whitman or Russell Stover. Let me tell you about the jewels that you will have in your crown in heaven one day if you fall madly in love with Him. Talk about some bling!
Here are some wives' tales the world falls for:
1. When sleeping under a new blanket, make a wish for new love and you will meet him the following afternoon.
2. If a girl, but only on the first of May, looks sideways into a mirror on first waking up, may see the image of her future husband.
3. A bride who sews her own dress will have a life of luck.
4. If a bird flies into a house, it is bad luck. Unless there are two birds, then a wedding in the family is coming up.
Ok, If you think falling in love with Jesus sounds crazy, reread number one through four again. I have been studying and reflecting on a verse this past week in 1Timothy Chapter 4. It says in verse 7, "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be Godly."
What I love about that verse is when it says to "train yourself". That is a reminder that it isn't going to be easy or natural, but that we have to work at it. We have to work at resisting the teachings of the world even when it comes to love. We have to train to love God first and with all of our heart so that we can love others the way He wants us to. We have to train to etch His truths on our hearts so that on a day like today, we can eat chocolate and celebrate that Jesus loves us best!
Guess what? IT ISN'T SO and I have to say (heart ache and all) I am really glad it isn't.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
This One Is For The Guys
I know I have some guy readers and I love that. One friend recently told me that he reads so he can better understand a female perspective on some things. It blessed me that he invests time like that for his wife. Then I got a little nervous that my crazy perspective on things is one of his resources. His wife is a dear friend of mine. I want it to stay that way! Even though this post is for the men, I give women permission to forward it to their men. (I will take the blame).
Gift giving can be stressful for the guys so I thought I would use my blog to help you guys out. The pressure is on when Valentine's Day rolls around. Your ladies may say, "Oh, you don't need to do anything." They are lying. I think we do that because we know the pressure you face and how much you thoroughly enjoy that last minute shopping at CVS as you stand elbow to elbow in the card section with very little left to pick from. If you find a card, then finding the matching envelope becomes an obstacle. Skip the card, the candy and the stuffed animal. You can stay home and give the best gift ever. I promise!
Here are a few ideas. All you have to do is pick one.
1. Make a handmade card. It doesn't have to have cut out hearts. One of my very favorite cards from Ridley was a handwritten note with red ink on lined notebook paper. He wrote about some of his favorite memories we have had so far and told me all the things (little things) he loved about me. I still have it and pull it out on the tough days to read it.
2. Take her to her favorite restaurant or make her a simple dinner at home. Either way, ditch the kids and the cell phone. The meal doesn't have to be fancy because girls are all about the thought that goes into something. Campbell's soup with a candle and NO distractions has been one of my favorite dinners.
3. Play boardgames or cards by candlelight while sharing her favorite dessert. Be silly. Laugh. Life is full of enough heavy stuff.
4. Plan a scavenger hunt around the house for things that trigger great memories. Make up your own clues and use your past memories or inside jokes as the motivation for the clues.
5. Whether you have been married 2 years or 22 years, every woman wants to know that she is still the one who makes your heart pop out. Use LOTS of words and be gushy. Look her in the eye....not at ESPN. It's one day!
6. On Sunday, take her by the hand and lead her to the alter at your church to pray. Most women I talk to want their husbands to lead them spiritually. Don't worry about what to pray. She isn't going to remember all the words you pray because her heart will be beating too loud.
7. Leave a love note in her car on a post it. Surprise her with lunch at the office. Recreate parts of your first date at home.
8. One of my favorite things is when Ridley comes home and says he left his computer at the office. With all the distractions of work, bills, kids, and to do list, there is nothing like feeling like the number one priority.
9. If you just love to buy gifts, then buy things that aren't customary. Buy things that you know she loves and will be surprised that you know about her. Her favorite music, magazine, gum, ice cream flavor, nail polish color etc. It doesn't have to be expensive.
10. Give the gift of change. All of us have things we can change for the better about ourselves to make our relationships stronger. Put pride aside and really commit to change something that will really bless her. Don't just change it for a day. Wrap up a note telling her what you are going to change and pray to work hard at it. It may be a small change but it will make a big difference.
Ladies, be appreciative and gushy right back. It may not be your absolute favorite gift ever, but recognize the heart behind it. Make a big deal about it. Look at the gift you have in your guy that you are blessed with every day. Don't live or love for the next big event. Learn to really cherish the everyday little things and the commitment. And if he happens to pick one of my ten ideas mentioned above, don't fuss at him for reading and using someone elses ideas. Thank him for investing the time to learn more about you and give him a big SMOOCH!
Gift giving can be stressful for the guys so I thought I would use my blog to help you guys out. The pressure is on when Valentine's Day rolls around. Your ladies may say, "Oh, you don't need to do anything." They are lying. I think we do that because we know the pressure you face and how much you thoroughly enjoy that last minute shopping at CVS as you stand elbow to elbow in the card section with very little left to pick from. If you find a card, then finding the matching envelope becomes an obstacle. Skip the card, the candy and the stuffed animal. You can stay home and give the best gift ever. I promise!
Here are a few ideas. All you have to do is pick one.
1. Make a handmade card. It doesn't have to have cut out hearts. One of my very favorite cards from Ridley was a handwritten note with red ink on lined notebook paper. He wrote about some of his favorite memories we have had so far and told me all the things (little things) he loved about me. I still have it and pull it out on the tough days to read it.
2. Take her to her favorite restaurant or make her a simple dinner at home. Either way, ditch the kids and the cell phone. The meal doesn't have to be fancy because girls are all about the thought that goes into something. Campbell's soup with a candle and NO distractions has been one of my favorite dinners.
3. Play boardgames or cards by candlelight while sharing her favorite dessert. Be silly. Laugh. Life is full of enough heavy stuff.
4. Plan a scavenger hunt around the house for things that trigger great memories. Make up your own clues and use your past memories or inside jokes as the motivation for the clues.
5. Whether you have been married 2 years or 22 years, every woman wants to know that she is still the one who makes your heart pop out. Use LOTS of words and be gushy. Look her in the eye....not at ESPN. It's one day!
6. On Sunday, take her by the hand and lead her to the alter at your church to pray. Most women I talk to want their husbands to lead them spiritually. Don't worry about what to pray. She isn't going to remember all the words you pray because her heart will be beating too loud.
7. Leave a love note in her car on a post it. Surprise her with lunch at the office. Recreate parts of your first date at home.
8. One of my favorite things is when Ridley comes home and says he left his computer at the office. With all the distractions of work, bills, kids, and to do list, there is nothing like feeling like the number one priority.
9. If you just love to buy gifts, then buy things that aren't customary. Buy things that you know she loves and will be surprised that you know about her. Her favorite music, magazine, gum, ice cream flavor, nail polish color etc. It doesn't have to be expensive.
10. Give the gift of change. All of us have things we can change for the better about ourselves to make our relationships stronger. Put pride aside and really commit to change something that will really bless her. Don't just change it for a day. Wrap up a note telling her what you are going to change and pray to work hard at it. It may be a small change but it will make a big difference.
Ladies, be appreciative and gushy right back. It may not be your absolute favorite gift ever, but recognize the heart behind it. Make a big deal about it. Look at the gift you have in your guy that you are blessed with every day. Don't live or love for the next big event. Learn to really cherish the everyday little things and the commitment. And if he happens to pick one of my ten ideas mentioned above, don't fuss at him for reading and using someone elses ideas. Thank him for investing the time to learn more about you and give him a big SMOOCH!
Monday, February 7, 2011
What to Do When You Don't Want to Do It
Well mom, here it is. I am blogging. I don't feel like blogging today, but my sweet mom, in her sweet momma voice, said to me this morning, "Do it anyway. God can still use it." I have had a tough couple of days that are out of character for me. The kind that make me lay around watching NFL clips while missing my grandfather. The kind where the slightest thing can make me cry. Ask my church family. The kind that makes me want to eat a donut and then not brush my teeth. See? I mean out of character. The kind where I am too tired to even pray. YUCK!
So, don't pretend that even if you love Jesus with all your heart that you haven't had those days. Women AND men have them. We might handle them differently but everybody has them. So what do we ( I ) do? First, acknowledge that it is ok to have bad days. As I have encouraged friends through bad days, I have told them it is ok to have bad days but don't back up the U-haul and stay there. Second, be honest with people. Be careful with this one. Be honest and ask for people to pray or help you through it but don't whine and have a pity party (except with your husband-just kidding). I am not a good faker and I want people to be real with me, so I better be real with them too.
I can tell you all the Jesus answers about what I should be doing when I feel this way. Ministry can be hard on the heart. It is hard to watch all the pain and even sometimes hard to relive some of your own to minister to others. I get tired and weary. I know what the right things are to do and trust me, I can list everything I am doing wrong in this funk, better than anybody else. Tough love doesn't need to come in the form of an addendum to my long list that I am already beating myself up about. As I have asked myself over and over again, "What should I do when I am like this and don't feel like doing it?" The answer IS do it anyway. RATS!
I didn't want to be at church yesterday. Everything inside me said to stay home. I went anyway. I knew it was the right thing even though I didn't feel like doing it. I am not going to stay home and play "I am the pastor's wife and I always have it together". As I was driving to church, I did muster the energy to pray that God would do amazing things despite my funk and that I wouldn't get in the way of what He wanted to do at Ridgeview Church.
This is why I am glad I went. The minute I walked in the building, a friend came to me and told me she wanted to talk to me. She told me that she was intimidated to pray with me, but she wanted to do it anyway because God put it on her heart that Ridley and I give so much in ministry that she wanted to give back in a small way by praying for me. Tear #1. I can't tell you what she prayed but the gift of someone holding my hand and praying over me, pushed me. Another friend walked up and randomly asked how I was doing. I answered quickly with a "I don't want to be here". She quickly turned, looked at me and said, "Girl.....you feel that way sometimes too? Oh my gosh, I am sorry but that makes me feel better." Tear #2 Then a new friend came up and said, "You said something the other day at LIfe Group that changed me...slapped me in the face. I needed that." I didn't even know what I had said, but there was tear #3. Then my husband came and got me to pray at the alter. I can't tell you how much I needed that yesterday. I needed my husband, not the pastor. Tear #4,5, 6...shoulder shake, shoulder shake, 7,8,9. After service a lady I barely know came up and thanked me for being real....I informed her the snot was real too.(I hope she will be back). Another friend in a different state sent me the sweetest Facebook message of encouragement. Tear #10.
As Monday morning hits, I continue to push, pull, drag myself to do what I know to do. It isn't at record speed. By sharing with people around me, they can hold my arms up when I am weak. It is an Aaron/Hur kind of thing. (Exodus Chapter 17) Those people can't do it for me, but they can pray for me, encourage me, and cheer me on to keep doing what I don't want to do.
Your Monday may be going great. I love when those happen but be sure you are looking for the opportunity to hold an arm up. How can you do that? Let me share some more ways that have blessed me. I have a friend who is emailing me bible verses. She isn't spelling them all out, she is making me look them up. I have a friend who reminded me of several specific times that I have pushed through before....monumental moments that are now mole hills. My husband went and got take out over the weekend and sat beside me while I watched my NFL clips. Anne Graham Lotz sent my typical daily devotional that basically said, "Get over yourself, in Jesus name". Then I crack my Bible open with a deep breathe and the first verse is Psalm 34:14 "...seek peace AND pursue it." It doesn't say it has to be at record speed, but it does mean DO IT....pursue it.
So, don't pretend that even if you love Jesus with all your heart that you haven't had those days. Women AND men have them. We might handle them differently but everybody has them. So what do we ( I ) do? First, acknowledge that it is ok to have bad days. As I have encouraged friends through bad days, I have told them it is ok to have bad days but don't back up the U-haul and stay there. Second, be honest with people. Be careful with this one. Be honest and ask for people to pray or help you through it but don't whine and have a pity party (except with your husband-just kidding). I am not a good faker and I want people to be real with me, so I better be real with them too.
I can tell you all the Jesus answers about what I should be doing when I feel this way. Ministry can be hard on the heart. It is hard to watch all the pain and even sometimes hard to relive some of your own to minister to others. I get tired and weary. I know what the right things are to do and trust me, I can list everything I am doing wrong in this funk, better than anybody else. Tough love doesn't need to come in the form of an addendum to my long list that I am already beating myself up about. As I have asked myself over and over again, "What should I do when I am like this and don't feel like doing it?" The answer IS do it anyway. RATS!
I didn't want to be at church yesterday. Everything inside me said to stay home. I went anyway. I knew it was the right thing even though I didn't feel like doing it. I am not going to stay home and play "I am the pastor's wife and I always have it together". As I was driving to church, I did muster the energy to pray that God would do amazing things despite my funk and that I wouldn't get in the way of what He wanted to do at Ridgeview Church.
This is why I am glad I went. The minute I walked in the building, a friend came to me and told me she wanted to talk to me. She told me that she was intimidated to pray with me, but she wanted to do it anyway because God put it on her heart that Ridley and I give so much in ministry that she wanted to give back in a small way by praying for me. Tear #1. I can't tell you what she prayed but the gift of someone holding my hand and praying over me, pushed me. Another friend walked up and randomly asked how I was doing. I answered quickly with a "I don't want to be here". She quickly turned, looked at me and said, "Girl.....you feel that way sometimes too? Oh my gosh, I am sorry but that makes me feel better." Tear #2 Then a new friend came up and said, "You said something the other day at LIfe Group that changed me...slapped me in the face. I needed that." I didn't even know what I had said, but there was tear #3. Then my husband came and got me to pray at the alter. I can't tell you how much I needed that yesterday. I needed my husband, not the pastor. Tear #4,5, 6...shoulder shake, shoulder shake, 7,8,9. After service a lady I barely know came up and thanked me for being real....I informed her the snot was real too.(I hope she will be back). Another friend in a different state sent me the sweetest Facebook message of encouragement. Tear #10.
As Monday morning hits, I continue to push, pull, drag myself to do what I know to do. It isn't at record speed. By sharing with people around me, they can hold my arms up when I am weak. It is an Aaron/Hur kind of thing. (Exodus Chapter 17) Those people can't do it for me, but they can pray for me, encourage me, and cheer me on to keep doing what I don't want to do.
Your Monday may be going great. I love when those happen but be sure you are looking for the opportunity to hold an arm up. How can you do that? Let me share some more ways that have blessed me. I have a friend who is emailing me bible verses. She isn't spelling them all out, she is making me look them up. I have a friend who reminded me of several specific times that I have pushed through before....monumental moments that are now mole hills. My husband went and got take out over the weekend and sat beside me while I watched my NFL clips. Anne Graham Lotz sent my typical daily devotional that basically said, "Get over yourself, in Jesus name". Then I crack my Bible open with a deep breathe and the first verse is Psalm 34:14 "...seek peace AND pursue it." It doesn't say it has to be at record speed, but it does mean DO IT....pursue it.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Do I Deserve It?
If you know the Barron's at all, you know that "entitlement" is a word we use in our house quite often. After all, we do have four children.....and two adults. I was reminded the other day that I can tend to fall into the "I deserve it" trap just like my kids. In our house, turning 16 doesn't entitle you to a driver's license. Poor spending doesn't entitle you to more allowance. Good grades don't entitle you to slacking off. Cell phones still belong to mom and dad, but we choose to share them. Geez, the attitude of kids these days, but what about us adults?
The verse that turned the focus on myself was Isaiah 45:7, "I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster. I, the Lord, do all these things." After reading and processing that verse, I was reminded of my years of a failed marriage. Obviously, life is sprinkled with both good and bad experiences. Both are needed for us to grow. It is hard to digest that "I, the Lord do all these things". That can easily make us a little upset with God, but then I was reminded that He is always right there...loving and watching us.
I want nothing more than to teach my kids to be grateful for cell phones or the opportunities that we, as parents, give them. I want them to appreciate that I desire for them to be healthy and Hostess twinkies aren't going to help them live longer. I long for them to walk in the door and notice their clean sheets or that the pink ring in the toilet is gone. I would love to hear them thank their daddy for working so hard for his family. However, there are more days where they walk in and add to our "to do list" right off the bat. Gimme, gimme, gimme!
So, flip the magnifying glass on Lisa, and my Daddy, Jesus probably has His hands on his hips frustrated at MY "Gimme's". I am entitled to nothing. He died for me so I could live an eternal life in heaven with Him. That should be enough. I am not entitled to every bill getting paid on time, all the latest fashions with cute shoes, a massage every Thursday or freshly painted fingernails to look pretty as I flip through my Bible. This life of faith is not performance based. None of us can ever be good enough to be trouble free. That's not the deal. I am not entitled to be loved by every person that walks in my church. I am not entitled to pass every mammogram with flying colors. I am not entitled to have my family and friends alive forever. I am not entitled to be free from heart ache. I am not entitled to have perfect children. I am not entitled to always be in a warm house when it is freezing outside. I am not entitled to do ministry work and because it's about Jesus, it will be easy.
The only entitlement we have is that God is always with us and watching. When we hurt, He hurts. When we grieve, He grieves. When we rejoice and celebrate, He celebrates. I love every single one of my kids. I can't fix all of their hurts or protect them from everything, but I can be here for them and love them through it. Why do we expect anything different from our Heavenly Father? We may not always understand what He is up to, but I can't imagine trusting anything else.
If we must be entitled to something, then let's be entitled to being grateful and live appreciatively. He doesn't have to give us anything good at all, but He does. Thank Him!
The verse that turned the focus on myself was Isaiah 45:7, "I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster. I, the Lord, do all these things." After reading and processing that verse, I was reminded of my years of a failed marriage. Obviously, life is sprinkled with both good and bad experiences. Both are needed for us to grow. It is hard to digest that "I, the Lord do all these things". That can easily make us a little upset with God, but then I was reminded that He is always right there...loving and watching us.
I want nothing more than to teach my kids to be grateful for cell phones or the opportunities that we, as parents, give them. I want them to appreciate that I desire for them to be healthy and Hostess twinkies aren't going to help them live longer. I long for them to walk in the door and notice their clean sheets or that the pink ring in the toilet is gone. I would love to hear them thank their daddy for working so hard for his family. However, there are more days where they walk in and add to our "to do list" right off the bat. Gimme, gimme, gimme!
So, flip the magnifying glass on Lisa, and my Daddy, Jesus probably has His hands on his hips frustrated at MY "Gimme's". I am entitled to nothing. He died for me so I could live an eternal life in heaven with Him. That should be enough. I am not entitled to every bill getting paid on time, all the latest fashions with cute shoes, a massage every Thursday or freshly painted fingernails to look pretty as I flip through my Bible. This life of faith is not performance based. None of us can ever be good enough to be trouble free. That's not the deal. I am not entitled to be loved by every person that walks in my church. I am not entitled to pass every mammogram with flying colors. I am not entitled to have my family and friends alive forever. I am not entitled to be free from heart ache. I am not entitled to have perfect children. I am not entitled to always be in a warm house when it is freezing outside. I am not entitled to do ministry work and because it's about Jesus, it will be easy.
The only entitlement we have is that God is always with us and watching. When we hurt, He hurts. When we grieve, He grieves. When we rejoice and celebrate, He celebrates. I love every single one of my kids. I can't fix all of their hurts or protect them from everything, but I can be here for them and love them through it. Why do we expect anything different from our Heavenly Father? We may not always understand what He is up to, but I can't imagine trusting anything else.
If we must be entitled to something, then let's be entitled to being grateful and live appreciatively. He doesn't have to give us anything good at all, but He does. Thank Him!
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