Lonely

I read a statistic the other day that made my stomach sink. There are more suicides in December than in the other 11 months of the year. I have pondered that statement for several days. I think part of it may be that we focus more on materialistic things around this "gift giving season". A gift is also tagged to someone special who gives it to you. That tends to make us focus on the people (or lack of people) in our lives.

I woke up this morning with a heavy heart for a friend whose divorce will be final today. I remember my December court date in 2004. Joy To The World is the last thing my friend will want to sing today as her marriage comes to an official end. I have another friend who is preparing for surgery right before Christmas. Then there is the husband whose wife doesn't want anything to do with him. Can you imagine the desperation of wanting to buy her a gift that gets her attention and pulls her back close? He can't buy that. What about the little girl who fixes her own dinner at night because her mom isn't home and she doesn't even have a table to eat on, much less a Christmas tree to gaze at.

Loneliness comes in many shapes and sizes. I often pray extra hard for my single friends during holidays. God created us to desire companionship. It is natural to think that a spouse or children will fulfill this desire. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married and there is certainly nothing wrong with being married. However, even the greatest of marriages can't fill the complete desire of companionship. Having been married, single again, married, single AGAIN and now married, I can definitely relate to both sides of the relationship fence. In marriage, there can be the distraction of trying in vain to become the perfect lover, and adjusting to another's imperfect love. I've come to realize in my own life that God is the Perfect Lover, the Perfect Father, the Perfect Friend, the Perfect Counselor and more. I have found great comfort in looking for ways in which God is all those things and more to me, that I desire in human companionship. Such a perspective also benefits the human relationships I do have, in relieving them of the expectations to be for me what only God can be completely.

Singleness can be an incredible opportunity to develop a deep, intimate relationship with God. For those who are single, there will probably always be a longing for the companionship and physical touch of another human being. Those feelings can come in a marriage as well, if the marriage is unhealthy. So don't get wrapped up in the label of married or single. Get wrapped up in the fact that Jesus wants to fill all those voids and longings. He is the only one who really can.

I read today in Psalm 68. I have read and heard numerous times verse 5; "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows" but today it was verse 6 that was fresh, new and intriguing...."God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land." I read over that again and again. I obviously can't know exactly what God meant when He inspired the Psalmist to write that, but it does reflect God's character. He gives us family. It doesn't say that means a spouse and kids. That means an extended family or maybe a church family. It confirms that he wanted us to experience companionship and that it can come in the form of other people and/or ministries that we pour ourselves into.

I love the part of the verse that reminds us that "He leads". He goes before us and all we have to do is follow and trust Him. The last part of the verse also reminds us that if we are rebellious we will live in sun-scorched land. If we find ourselves in a position where we are mad at God because our life doesn't look the way we wanted it to, we will hit a dry spell and be thirsty for something else. I believe this is where our focus turns into a lonely longing that can do damage. It can take us to a place where we make poor choices, think impure thoughts or allow doubt to creep in and cause us to stumble.

When Jesus was here on earth, He experience the things we do. He experienced loneliness. I am sure there were days he longed to be held again by his mother or to talk to his dad. We know he felt the pain of rejection over and over again. Yet, he had his disciples for great companionship along the way and he had the same loving heavenly Father that we do today.

Fill the void with the greatest gift of all. Receive and remember Jesus!